Week 3....well, *bleep*

 So the title works in multiple ways. Likely how Hamilton Rod and Gun, (who is 1-2, but one of three teams with over 400 points through 3 weeks) is feeling. His loss this week to Pedro Pickles probably left him doing something like this:

HRG is wondering when he gets to play someone who DOESN'T put up a lot of points; he's got the most points against this year, and it's not particularly close (45 more than anyone else). His 161.5 points in a loss is the most in league history, eclipsing the previous record of 159.5 set by Jeff Fisher Effect in 2018. I know that's how I looked the next morning so....

It also looks like this might be the year Provost Magic returns. He's 3-0,has the most points in the league, and his highest scoring player last week was James freaking Robinson (who was undrafted both out of college and in our fantasy league).

Pedro Pickles pulled out a victory on Monday night, posting the 5th highest score in league history. He had THREE players put up more than 30 points.

Hardcore Sucks (top-5 all-time name change) was lucky the Chargers were chasing on the scoreboard (for someone ungodly reason against the very bad Panthers) and Austin Ekeler put up a day. HOAT (bottom-5 non-name change) got concussed by Diontae Johnson getting concussed, or he might still have won.

Boobies (heh)? Well, he put a few guys in his lineup. Which seems to be about all you need to do to beat Iron Ryan these days. For the second straight year, he's in the bottom two in scoring (more on the guy atually at the bottom later).

HRG is pissed he didn't get to play Utah Falco this week. Falco and DVD combined for 166 points, which would have made for a closer matchup than HRG had against Pickles. Falco is effed without CMC. That 2-0 start looks like a mirage now.

I saved the worst for last though. The Jeff Fisher Effect can only HOPE to win a game this year with the utterly talentless roster (other than Russell Wilson) he's assembled. Honestly, I actually feel a bit like Jeff Fisher; you win a championship, think you're good, and then within 3 years, your team is shitty again and they're probably going to fire you. (Can you fire a fantasy manager?) Maybe I'll get lucky, and they'll replace me with someone as good looking as Sean McVay. (Kate can only hope.)

So we'll move on to Week 4. But not before I drop what might be the greatest GIF of all-time, courtesy of one Cameron Jerrell Newton.

I have to say: I admire his commitment to the bit. Sliding ALL the way to ground was a bold choice. You can bet I'll be using this one again.

Week 2 of 2020, or I'll take Injuries for $1000, please, Alex

Every owner this week as the injuries mounted up:

Saquon. Run CMC. Courtland Sutton. Davante Adams. Raheem Mostert (and basically anyone good on the 49ers).

It's going to be a fun week on waivers. And by fun, I mean, spending lots of money for players who won't do anything (see: Boobies (heh) last week).

Let's do some recaps, shall we?

Team Provost trounces Death Valley Driver, 157-113.5

A big part of the total for Team Provost, as he earns his first Tidwell award of the season, is Aaron Jones. The 44-spot Jones put up is the highest single player total for the young season. He certainly isn't going to skip over big games by Stefon Diggs and Nick Chubb. DVD was fine, but got bit by the Davante Adams injury. Josh Allen though.

Pedro Pickles routs Iron Ryan, 149-99

Alvin Kamara and Patrick Mahomes. With two top players like that, Pickles is in a good spot. And when he gets Kenny Golladay back? Look out. Julian Edelman seems to be continuing to be a favorite target of a Patriots QB, thus he is also fantasy relevant. I-Ry's major problem was the George Kittle injury last week. He had to start Jimmy Graham, who hasn't been good in, what, 5 years?

Utah Falco smacks Release Dix On Younghoe Boobies, 123.5-107

Utah Falco has NEVER started a season 2-0 before, but it could be a tough road to 3-0, thanks to the CMC injury. No bueno. Good news for Falco, CMC was around long enough to score two TDs. It was bad news for Boobies (heh) this week; he spent a total of $35 FAAB dollars on Sammy Watkins and Nyheim Hines who combined for a total of 2 points this week. And Watkins went down with an injury. Woof.

Hamilton Rod and Gun softens Hardcore Sacks, 118.5-95

HRG's strategy of Cowboys and Chiefs seems to be working: he's scoring a lot of points. So is Dak, who put nearly 40. He's not gonna get 3 rushing TDs every week but he'll take them this week. Hardcore now has to deal with being 0-2 AND losing the #1 pick in our draft, Saquon Barkley. And his best backup RB in Cam Akers is also injured.

Hooked on a Thielen escapes against Jeff Fisher Effect, 111.5-102

This matchup was separated by a half-point, with each team having a single player going on Monday Night. And then the Saints threw the ball to Emmanuel Sanders 3 times, yielding 1 catch, and JFE was done. The fact he even really had a shot was thanks to Russell Wilson and his 31 points. HOAT did just enough to win, thanks in part to Calvin Ridley's big day.

Shake Your MoneyMaker

Team Provost is this week's Tidwell winner, his first of the year, and fifth since the award was instituted in 2017.

The 2020 Season Begins!

Week 1 is in the books. And there's some panic, especially with a few of the injuries from the week. Let's do some recaps:

Hooked on a Thielen tops the week and Hamilton Rod & Gun, 141-122

HOAT (yeah, I'm not making the acronym mistake this year) took home the first Tidwell Award of the year, thanks partly to the hapless Panthers defense giving up 3 TDs to Josh Jacobs, and some garbage time for the Falcons and Calvin Ridley. It was a very good week for HRG; I mean, he scored the second most points in the league, but that's the way to cookie crumbles.

These might be the best two teams in the league, after Week 1.

Team Provost wins first Week 1 game since 2015, Boobies falls 118-97

Boobies (heh) changed his name, but it's too long to write here (even though I'm spending a lot of words on explaining why it's too long), and his team failed miserably to meet their projection. Some of that was injury (see: Thomas, Michael), but some was downright ineffectiveness (see: Wentz, Carson). For Provost, Mark Andrews made him look smart with two short TDs, and it does appear that (at least for a week) reports of Aaron Rodgers demise were greatly exaggerated.

Death Valley Driver begins title defense with 118-98 victory over Jeff Fisher Effect

It was the second straight year these two met in Week 1, and both times the result has been the same. DVD has a good week, JFE has a meh week. JFE is hoping it's more just an underperformance by his guys. He got bit by the injury bug (see: Bell, Le'Veon) but also the Mark Ingram WTF? bug. The major difference in this game was Davante Adams completely dismantling the Vikings secondary (35 points). DVD now has the major break of Marlon Mack's injury:

So that Jonathan Taylor upside that we figured would show up in, like, Week 8? Yeah, looks like it's coming sooner.

Utah Falco rides an NFC triumvirate, takes out Pedro Pickles 117.5-93

Christian McCaffrey picked up right where he left off last year, leading the scoring for UF again. But his DeAndre Hopkins and Chris Carson picks looked good for this first week too. It will be interesting to see what Falco does with the injury to Marlon Mack. Pickles, meanwhile, also got bit by the inujury bug (see: Conner, James), but also the 49ers defense sucked. He's hoping Kenny Golladay isn't out for more than the first week.

Iron Ryan smacks Hardcore Sacks in the face with David Johnson, wins 109-90

It's not like Hardcore could keep David Johnson this year, but after being burned by him the last two years, there's a good amount of irony in DJ's excellent first week for the Texans; dude looked good. I-Ry also has Zeke, so that doesn't hurt either. Hardcore put up the lowest score in the league this week, but won't make the mistake of playing the Vikings defense again. (minus-9 points? ouch!) In positive news, Adam Thielen managed two TDs and Rodrigo Blankenship scored positive points.

(This is what happens when you search "Rodrigo Blankenship" on giphy at 10pm on a Tuesday.)

Money Winner!

As previously mentioned, Hooked On A Thielen is the Tidwell winner this week. Bad news is: he won't be able to collect because his team is named after a player not on his roster.

(And before you come at me with the "But Boobie Dixon isn't on Crobi's roster!" business, let's remember: that Crobi doesn't WIN Tidwell's so....)

 

See ya for Week 2.

2020 Draft Order Announcement