Week 5, or The Middle Gets Muddy

Week 5 has given us a clear leader, and then a muddled middle of the pack.

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING ITALICIZED TEXT:

Also in the middle of the 1 p.m. games, we had some controversy with our new IR spot. I mentioned this in Week 2’s notes. Basically, if your guy doesn’t have the red “IR” next to his name, he can’t go in the IR spot on your roster.

Thank you. You may now return to your usual reading habits for the notes...

OK, shall we recap? Let’s recap.

Team Provost (81, 3-2) vs. Death Valley Driver (75.5, 3-2)

Team Provost dusted off that old Provost Magic™ in holding off DVD this week. It seemed very easy for DVD to come back from down 14 with Alvin Kamara and Adrian Peterson still to go on Monday night, but the Saints decided it was important to give Mark Ingram the ball and basically give Kamara a week off before their bye week, and Peterson got injured: the two combined to score 8.5 points. Womp womp. Provost basically only had good RBs (which is pretty common when you start Saquon and Zeke), which put him at a major disadvantage, until Kamara ghosted and Peterson broke. After showing out last week, Amari Cooper and Golden Tate were quiet this week, but it didn’t matter. Our top scoring team put up the lowest point total this week.

Panic Time Squad (123, 3-2) vs. Scrote Squad (92.5, 1-4)

Well, Odell Beckham decided to remind everyone that he’s a factor, even though the Giants lost a heartbreaker. Funny part of this for PTSd - he could have had even more points if he played Kenyan Drake and Isaiah Crowell, though no one blames him for sitting them because they combined for 2 points last week, and 51 this week. Scrote bet into the TD streak of Calvin Ridley, which didn’t work out. Scrote is just overmatched most weeks and needs his guys to blow up. When they just blow, there’s very little chance for him.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (138, 5-0) vs. Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (117, 3-2)

Hardcore becomes the second team in as many seasons to start the year 5-0, and his team looks every bit as dominant as last year’s champ. It’s tough to keep Antonio Brown down for a whole game, and even though the Cardinals are an absolute dumpster fire, David Johnson continues to get his. Also, Davante Adams. DDN had a promising start, but has fallen off of late, even though Todd Gurley continues to destroy NFL defenses. When I say “fallen off”, it’s a lot of bad luck. His 117 points would have beaten about half the league. He just happened to play against this week’s Tidwell winner. And he’s the second highest scoring team in the league.

Iron Ryan (106, 2-3) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (84.5, 2-3)

Tom Brady had a big Thursday night, which launched Iron Ryan to a lead, and then when Brandin Cooks went down with a concussion in his first target on Sunday, JFE was done. It’s really hard to win when you have an injured guy put up a 0, and your defense put up a -2. Iron Ryan is on a two-game winning streak and recently texted the Commish, proclaiming he was going to win the championship. He’s feeling pretty good about his team, even if perhaps a bit disillusioned. Yes, Ryan, I understand there was some sarcasm to that claim, but damn, if it doesn’t look good when you win again.

Released Dix On Boobies (123, 2-3) vs. Pedro Pickles (119, 1-4)

This was a hard luck loss for Pickles, especially since his score would have beaten half the league. Only thing Pickles could have done differently was play Shady McCoy instead of Chris Thompson, but even that would have only gotten him to 122 points, and still a heartbreaking loss. Boobies (heh), meanwhile, used James Conner’s 33 points and a garbage time TD from Demaryius Thomas to win his second game of the season, and put up a big point total. Boobies (heh) seems to be the biggest boom or bust team we have. He’s either well over 100, or down in the 60s (or lower).

This Week’s Tidwell Award

Hardcore Sacks ran train on the league this week, picking up his second Tidwell award. I’d put another Rod Tidwell gif in here, but the gif sites are blocked at work. Hardcore and Dancin’ Dennis have two Tidwells, while our top scorer, DVD, only has one.

Random Score-dom

It’s not predictive really at all, but I find Iron Ryan’s and Pedro Pickles’ week-by-week scores interesting:

Iron Ryan: 86, 85, 85.5, 104, 106

Pedro Pickles: 122, 121, 95, 95.5, 119

The clusters are interesting. Pickles is also fifth in points for, and should be better than his 1-4 record. For context, he’s fourth in points against.

We move on to Week 6, dreaming of wins to separate the middle of the pack.