- Quantum Leap
- Ally McBeal
- The A-Team
- Breaking Bad
Every one of our seasons has started with a draft. What is a draft, you ask? (OK, you didn't ask just.... just....ok?)
Draft: (n) - a procedure whereby new or existing sports players are made available for selection or reselection by the teams in a league, usually with the earlier choices being given to the weaker teams.
Please note the use of the word "usually." Because it's fantasy football, and we like chaos, it doesn't really apply. Or does it? Perhaps the Commish draft grades will tell us.
See below for a complete breakdown on each team's draft picks. Each roster is listed underneath the team name, along with both grades bestowed by the PrimeTime Draft software (the one that factors in keepers, and the one that doesn't, in that order), along with the coveted Commish grade. OK, it's not coveted. In fact, it's downright worthless. Any draft grade means nothing, but it seems fun anyway.
Hardcore Sacks
D-Hop, A-Aron Jones, Josh Jacobs, Chris Godwin, Kupp, Dede Westside, Ekeler, Christian "Don't Call Me Cousins" Kirk, Vance McDonald, DJ (keeper), Rashaad Penny, Big Ben, Trubisky, Suck-Up, Iggles
PrimeTimeDraft grades: D, D+
Commish Grade: C
Kind of a rough draft (as in, the start of something that will need to be refined) for Hardcore. There's a LOT of unproven, but possibly exciting talent from this draft. The back-to-back QBs at the turn seemed very un-Hardcore-like, but if you believe in the home-road splits for Big Ben, it might turn out to be a good thing.
Iron Ryan
Lev Bell, The Whizzinator, Brady's BFF, George Kittle, D.J. Moore, Calvin Ridley, Iron Man's Brain, The Non-Criminal OJ (keeper), Kenyan "Worse Than the Rapper" Drake, Michael Gallup, Rolls Royce Freeman, Dak, Peyton Haircut, Rosas, Greek Gods
PrimeTimeDraft grades: D-, C
Commish Grade: D+
I don't want his RBs. Or his receivers. Or his tight end. S. Plural. I know there was a tight end as a keeper, but man, drafting a second one thinking "Hey, I could use this guy as a flex was a bold move, Cotton, let's see how it works out for him.
Pedro Pickles
Michael "Not Mike" Thomas, Frost Bite Helmet Guy, Devonta, Julie Ertz's Husband, Tom Brady's Binkie, Sammy Watkins, Derrius Juice, Miles Sanders, Fuller, UMass Andy, Russell Wilson, Mahomes (keeper), Rams, Fairbairn, Tom Brady's Injured New Toy
PrimeTime Draft grades: A, A
Commish Grade: B-
The Zero-RB movement would love this team, because there are no RBs here. Lots of hope Freeman and Guice come back from injury, and James White repeats last year. He's also hoping Mahomes repeats last year.
Hamilton Rod And Gun
Zeke, Kel Allen, Amari Cooper, D-Henry, JuJu (keeper), Tevin, Duke, Evan Engram, Only Guy Sam Darnold Has To Throw To, Wentz, Zeke's Backup, Famous Jameis, The Defense That Was Good Two Years Ago, Gostkowski, Torn-up Lamar Miller
PrimeTime Draft grades: B, B+
Commish Grade: B-
Not an awful draft, but not a great one either, really. Tony Pollard could be rendered useless by the time you read this (or I finish writing it). Derrick Henry might not be any good at all. But he's got 3 good WRs. And also Amari Cooper.
Death Valley Driver
Dave Adams, Tyreek, Just A Guy Carson, D-Mont, Ty Asshole, Watson, Kamara (keeper), Sterling Silver, Devin "Not Related to Mike" Singletary, The Name No One Can Believe The Draft Voice Got Right, Austin Hooper, Heisman Kyler, Bills D, Gronk, Mike "We Don't Need To Stinkin'" Badgley
PrimeTime Draft grades: B, B
Commish Grade: B
To be clear, the Commish grade here is about as much a commentary on the speed of his picks than on how good his team is. He's a top-half of the league team right now for sure. I'd be worried about playing against his starting WRs and one of his RBs.
Team Provost
Saquon (keeper), Mike Evans, Sony, Russell Wilson's Only Target, Top RB for Andrew Luck's Former Team, Deep Threat for Dink & Dunk Matthew Stafford, Curtis Samuel, Latavius, Donte "Keep Hoping He's Good" Moncrief, Mark Andrews, Cam, Bears D, Mile Boykin, Robbie Gould, The Gunslinger With 9 Kids
PrimeTime Draft grades: C-, D+
Commish Grade: D+
He didn't draft from a boat, but his team will probably sink. Top 2 looks decent, the rest could be VERY scary. Though Curtis Samuel is an early dark horse for next year's keeper.
Hooked On A Thielen
Catching Kelce, Chubb, Lenny Fournette, Brandin "1000 yards" Cooks, Red Rocket's Only Guy Left, Phillip Lindsay, Corey Davis, A-Rod, Manny Sanders, Team Namesake (keeper), Jordan "Used To Be Good" Howard, L-Jax, Ravens D, Wil Lutz, Ty-Mont
PrimeTime Draft grades: B+, B+
Commish Grade: B+
Kelce in the first round seems high, but then his skill position starters look very above average. I'd be worried about Mr. Fournette, but if that's the question mark here, you're doing OK. Solid draft by Brooks.
Released Dix On Boobies
Julio, Dalvin Cook, Damien Williams, Ho-Tel Mo-Tel Golladay Inn, Mike Williams, A-Rob, Red Rocket's Security Blanket, James Conner (keeper), Prince Njoku, Baker, Geronimo, Kareem, Vikings, Justin Tucker, Conner's back-up
PrimeTime Draft grades: B, B
Commish Grade: B
There's a lot of hope here that Damien Williams is good, and LeSean McCoy doesn't take his job. And that the Browns offense is actually good. If AJ Green comes back healthy, he could be the steal of the draft.
The Jeff Fisher Effect
OBJ, Mixon, Stefon Diggity, Mark Ingram, Tarik, Josh Gordon, Melly (keeper), Hunter Henry, Brees, Pettis, Fitz, Breida, Chargers, Greg The Leg, Nyheim Hines
PrimeTime Draft grades: B, B+
Commish Grade: B
Possibly very solid up top, with potential for Melvin Gordon to rush in and save the day. As discussed during the draft, a weird draft by JFE's standards, but it looks alright.
Utah Falco
Gurley, Run CMC, Robert Woods, Alshon, Jared Cook, Shady, Tyrell Wellick, Chris Hogan?, I.T.O. Smith, Matty Ice, Delanie "Needs A" Walker, Goff, Saints, Butker (I Hardly Know Her), Mr. Irrelevant
PrimeTime Draft grades: C-, D
Commish Grade: D
His RBs could be good, if Gurley is healthy. His WRs look shaky. His TEs looks meh. There will be a lot of waiver wire work to get this team to the playoffs.
Thus endeth the recap.
Thus beginneth the season! Thursday night can't come soon enough Get your Packers and Bears in your lineups (I mean, if you want them), and enjoy some of this silly hobby we all enjoy.
And again, I want to say "thank you" to you guys in this league. There are so many horror stories of bad leagues and bad leaguemates. As a commissioner, I couldn't ask for a better group of owners who pay on time, set lineups every week, and interact with each other. I'm glad to have each of you.
Except, beginning now, you are all my sworn enemies!
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