OJ Howard. What in the world.
— NFL Update (@MySportsUpdate) November 17, 2019
It was also pointed out to me that looking at the the ESPN projections, every team with a lower projection actually won this week, which might be a league first. (Too bad your commish doesn't have an answer for that.)
ENDURKAST! (Google translate it, if you can't figure out what it means)
Iron Ryan does Non-I-Ry things, tops Hardcore Sacks, 129.5-117
So this might be the weirdest thing ever, but still not the weirdest thing of the day. Our second lowest scorer posts the highest score he'll post all year, thanks to some random blowup games by random dudes (Ross Dwelly? C'mon.) And he didn't even need his stud waiver pickup Brian Hill, who did virtually nothing, or his kicker, who did literally nothing. As high a score as Hardcore put up (second highest of the week), he would have won if he'd swapped out the Cowboys D for the Ravens D.
Released Dix On Boobies vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect, 108.5-107.5
Going into Monday Night Football, The Effect needed 9 points from Melvin Gordon to pull out the win. He got 9.5 from Melly to keep his slim playoff hopes alive. The Effect's hex on opposing players going down with injury kept up, with James Conner going down super early in the Thursday night game. But Boobies (heh) got 31 from John freakin' Brown and 29 from Jimmy G...just wasn't enough.
Utah Falco silences Hamilton Rod and Gun, 105-82.5
It's the second straight week Falco has gotten a zero from a spot on his team from a player who didn't play....and the second straight week it hasn't cost him. I think we can thank Christian McCaffrey for that; dude scored 25.5 points WITHOUT A TOUCHDOWN! He also finally got something again from Todd Gurley. HRG put up the second lowest score of the week, partly because Tevin Coleman stinks, Amari Cooper was injured, and he insists on putting T.J. Hockenson in his lineup (and keeping AB on his bench).
Pedro Pickles escapes with victory over Hooked On A Thielen, 103-98
Going into Monday night, this one looked pretty sewn up for Pickles. And then Travis Kelce did Travis Kelce things, and turned his possible blowout into a respectable performance. The return of Kareem Hunt has really sapped the ceiling for Nick Chubb, Terry McLaurin has a terrible QB throwing to him, and Adam Thielen is injured as hell. But hey....at least HOTA's got Lamar Jackson. Pickles' win here actually puts him in line for the 4th playoff spot. Thank you, Michael Thomas and Mark Ingram.
Team Provost escapes Death Valley Driver, 88.5-42.5
How bad was DVD's performance this week? His 42.5 points was the second lowest point total OF ALL-TIME. Admittedly, some of it is bad luck: Tyreek Hill (who could have doubled DVD's output on his own) went down with an injury 6 plays into Monday Night Football. Also can be tough when your two best players are on bye weeks, and the TE you've been riding hard all year is suddenly out with an injury. Provost had his two best players on bye also, but managed to get a TD from Tarik Cohen so...yay?
The Money of Champions
I got a message last week from Iron Ryan, paraphrased here: "If I can win a Tidwell, my year will be complete." My response? "Yeah, it's not happening for you or me this year, buddy." I was wrong. Iron Ryan won his first EVER Tidwell this week. He's the 10th owner to win a Tidwell Award. If that number sounds familiar, it's the number of owners we have in the league. He's literally the last to win one. Congrats?
What's Happening Now?
As I mentioned before, Pickles currently sits as the 4th seed in the playoffs, behind DVD, Hardcore and Hooked. Based on record, I-Ry is the first one out of the playoffs. After that, HRG, Boobies (heh) Provost and The Effect are all 5-6, ahead of 10th place Falco at 4-7.
I-Ry gets Hooked this weekend: two 6-5 teams wanting a win to solidify their position. Provost and Boobies (heh) faces off at 5-6, both needing a win to basically stay alive. Pickles (6-5) takes on Falco, hoping to solidify a playoff spot. Falco isn't mathematically eliminated (he's 6th in points), but an 8th loss would probably do it for him. A seventh loss for The Effect would basically doom him, thanks to his putrid point total; he draws Hardcore, against whom he's 6-3 all-time, and riding a 4-game winning streak. (I jinxed myself, didn't I?)
It's the Dozenth week. Three more to the playoffs, and it's going to be a wild ride. Good luck everyone.
Except Tim.
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