Week 7, or the Midpoint

We've got a big time logjam in the middle of our standings (which are actually a perfect palindrome), and one could say that no team is actually out of it. But whoever the "one" is that's saying that isn't looking at the completely craptastic roster of The Jeff Fisher Effect.

RECAPS!

Pedro Pickles (3-4) blasts Death Valley Driver (4-3), 151.5-109

It started out looking good for DVD with Davante Adams and his 180-some yards and 2 TDs. Then Tyler Lockett and his 200 yards receiving and 3 TDs happened on Sunday night. The real difference was the homerism showed by DVD: The Giants D did NOT dominate the Eagles and the Giants K also didn't do much. Pickles is better than his 3-4 record. DVD might not be as good as his 4-3 record.

Iron Ryan (4-3) continues winning streak, tops Utah Falco(3-4), 123.5-120.5

It's too tough to go back and find out for sure, but this might be the highest scoring combined QB output we've ever had, with both Kyler Murray (I-Ry) and Tom Brady (Falco) each gathering 36 points. The real difference in this one was Antonio Gibson against the Cowboys. So what have we learned from this? Start your offensive players against the just god awful Cowboys D. They stink.

Team Provost (5-2) stays on top following a win over Hamilton Rod and Gun (3-4), 118-105

This one was basically all Aaron Rodgers and James Robinson for Team Provost. And also that HRG started Jerick McKinnon, who played 12 total snaps and netted a donut in points. To be fair, had HRG played any other flex option on his roster, he still wouldn't have won so...

The Jeff Fisher Effect (2-5) sacks Hardcore Sucks (3-4), 110.5-105

It was a bye week for the RBs on both squads here. As in, Hardcore had to wheel and deal just to have any RBs to start (they ended up scoring 32 total points) and the backs that JFE started apparently took the week off (his backs combined for 9.5). Then there was Justin Herbert and his 36.5 points, that basically made up the difference in this contest.

Released Dix On Boobies (4-3) keeps rolling, defeats Regress to the Mean (4-3), 92.5-83

It's a 3 game winning streak for Boobies (heh) but I know one thing: the last two weeks have been pretty lucky. But hey, a win is a win, and from the guy who scored the fewest points in the league last year and finished .500, who am I to judge? But yeah...he's been lucky. AJ Brown scored 26 of his 92.5 points, and the Pats D lost him a point. Not great.

Money Time

Pedro Pickles won his second Tidwell on the season, only his third all-time.

Playoff Outlook

If the season ended today, Provost, RTTM, DVD and I-Ry would be the playoff teams. But that leaves the top two scorers on the outside looking in, and it seems unlikely for that to continue over a full 14 games (though the 4 teams currently "in" are third, fourth, fifth and sixth). Pedro Pickles has outscored I-Ry by more than 100 points so far this season, though Pickles has 3 games under 93 points, and I-Ry has only 1 such. TL;DR - I-Ry is a little more consistent, but Pickles has better upside.

Week 8 Matchups

• HRG has won 8 of the 11 matchups against Utah Falco.
• DVD is 5-3 all-time against Boobies (heh).
• The Effect is 5-4 in his meeting with Pedro Pickles.
• Regression is 5-4-1 all-time vs. I-Ry. 
• Provost and Hardcore have split their 14 total meetings all-time (7-7).

And Week 8 starts on Thursday with the Falcons and Panthers. Let's just say it's gonna be better than the Sunday night Cowboys-Eagles game.

Week 6, or International Chuck A Puck Day

 So yeah, I missed last week. Even after it seemed pointless to do recaps, I intended to do a preview of the upcoming week.

Yeah, that didn't happen either. So here, I'll get back to the snark and the silliness.

Happy International Chuck A Puck day everyone! Ask Kevin.

Recaps? Eh, whatever. You already know if you won or not. Regress To The Mean won another Tidwell (his second on the season, the first repeat winner in 2020). But it's not like it took a lot: we scored a total of 984.5 points in Week 6, the first time we as a league failed to top 1,000 points (actually the first time we didn't get to 1,100 on the season). We had only 40% of the league even top 100 points (RTTM, Hardcore, HRG and I-Ry). It was a low scoring week. Not shockingly, the 4 teams that broke 100 all won, and so did Boobies (heh) who scored 89 points. I just realized I should be more mad about this, as the scorer of 95...

Highlights and Lowlights

• Pedro Pickles decided to sit his second-round pick in Kenyan Drake, and it cost him a win. I mean, Drake stinks, but the Cowboys defense is worse.
• Derrick Henry did Derrick Henry things for HRG: a 94-yard TD run is worth 16 points in our league (yardage + TD + bonus). It's basically more points than The Effect puts up in any given week.
• Speaking of low point totals, Utah Falco is actually the lowest scoring team in the league overall (1 point less than JFE). He's managed to stay 3-3, so if McCaffrey comes back soon, he might be in the mix.
• RTTM was the Tidwell winner, and his THIRD highest scorer was his kicker. Man, the Falcons also suck. But also, no one started Brandon McManus and his 6 FGs against the Pats. Don't bother checking waivers though; he's been added.
• If you didn't see your team listed here, you can just assume there were mostly lowlights for you, but not so low that you got mentioned here. So...congratulations?

Standings

I'm sure you've all seen, but we have a huge chunk of people in the middle of our standings. The top 8 teams are either 4-2 or 3-3. Then you've got the second highest scorer in the league (Pedro Pickles) sitting at 2-4. Basically the only one out of it is the 1-5 Jeff Fisher Effect. He's not officially out of reach, but there's a lot of teams to jump. But it's a weird season: anything can happen.

Or at least that's what I have to keep telling myself...

Week 7 Preview

• HRG (3-3) gets Team Provost (4-2). He'd like to win to keep pace. HRG has the most points in the league. Team Provost looks at his team on Sunday at 11:45am ET.
• JFE (1-5) gets Hardcore (3-3). It's kind of a must-win for JFE. Lucky for him, Hardcore's entire RB stable is on bye.
• Utah Falco (3-3) faces off with I-Ry (3-3). I-Ry has been putting up big points the last couple week, and he hopes it continues. Falco basically needs CMC back to have any hope.
• DVD (4-2) draws Pedro Pickles (2-4). Pickles just needs to make the right calls in his lineup. DVD traded away his best RB. Pickles could really use a win to help keep pace. DVD needs to steal whatever wins he can.
• RTTM (4-2) gets Boobies (heh)(3-3). Obviously they both want to win.

Week 4, or the Fourth Week of The Season

 Anybody else get stressed out by the weird Pats-Chiefs game moving to Monday night? (I mean, we know Crobi did...more later.) In the weirdest of years that is 2020, I guess we should have expected it. And now Stephon Gilmore has tested positive. And this picture is circulating on the interwebs:

 So Mahomes is next everyone! Let's just cancel the season now!

It is absolutely the weirdest of weird fantasy years. And I've got some ideas should this kind of thing happen again. I'll post those later, because honestly, that's not what you're here for. You want recaps and snarky comments.

So here's some of that:

HRG releases Boobies (heh), 137.5-117.5

A valiant effort by Boobies (heh), who as you remember whined in the group chat about not being able to field a team. He was mostly buoyed by Dalvin Cook and Todd Gurley. But HRG owns all the Cowboys; literally his top 3 scorers were Cowboys, thanks in large part to a defense that couldn't stop an offense assembled of our league mates (see below), which meant Dak only threw to Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb. HRG finally scored a lot of points AND won a game.

DVD tops I-Ry in the Banville Bowl, 131-116.5

I-Ry FINALLY put up some points....but he ran into the Odell Beckham buzzsaw rolled out by DVD and...well that didn't work out for I-Ry. George Kittle, though, amirite?

Team Provost improves to 4-0, tops Regress To The Mean, 122-88

New team name for Nash, but he apparently doesn't know what "mean" means. He regressed WAAAY past that; his 88 points were far below the league average this week. Provost keeps rolling, thanks to the "washed" Aaron Rodgers; and no thanks for Nick Chubb, who's gonna be out for a while.

Jeff Fisher Effect FINALLY scores points, beats Utah Falco 121.5-84

To be fair, Joe Mixon isn't going to score 40 points every week, but JFE hopes it's something of a breakout. Falco had some bad luck with the Titans-Steelers "bye week", but also because he started Jeff Wilson. He had two big scoring weeks, and now has put up two straight low scoring weeks. He's hoping to get CMC back QUICK.

Hardcore Sucks sucks less than Pedro Pickles, wins 103.5-89.5

Pickles had to make a choice on the QB: start Mahomes and hope the game doesnt' get cancelled, or start Brees (who almost didn't play thanks to what turned out to be a false positive)? Either way, it wouldn't have made up the difference. Pickles is sitting in a good spot though: with the loss of Nick Chubb, he's hoping Kareem Hunt sees a ton of work. Sucks wasn't great in this one, largely because Austin Ekeler ripped his hamstring apart.

SHOW ME THE MONNNNNAAAAAAAYYYY!

Hamilton Rod and Gun wins his first Tidwell of the year. It's his 7th ever, putting him third all-time.

How do I know that? I've added a Tidwell Award tab to our league history sheet. Check it out.

Smarter Than Phil Simms Football Squad

What would a STPS football team look like? You've already seen the helmet. But a jersey?

But really the question is who plays where.

Chris - Edge Rusher. Gonna have to get back into Cross Fit though.

Tim - Defensive back. Just blankets dudes.

Provost - Team doctor. He's the guy in the blue tent.

Kevin - Tight End. Height, but no speed. Plus, he's got one.

Nash - Running Back. Tarik Cohen mold. Dude has quicks.

Ryan - Safety. Ryan just wants to hit people.

Kyle - Middle Linebacker. Runs the defense.

Pete - Wide Reciever. Height, and more speed than Kevin. Injured less, too.

Cusick - Punter/Kicker. On a team that never does either.

Nate -  QB. Game manager.

This was fun. On to Week 5!