Week 4, or the Fourth Week of The Season

 Anybody else get stressed out by the weird Pats-Chiefs game moving to Monday night? (I mean, we know Crobi did...more later.) In the weirdest of years that is 2020, I guess we should have expected it. And now Stephon Gilmore has tested positive. And this picture is circulating on the interwebs:

 So Mahomes is next everyone! Let's just cancel the season now!

It is absolutely the weirdest of weird fantasy years. And I've got some ideas should this kind of thing happen again. I'll post those later, because honestly, that's not what you're here for. You want recaps and snarky comments.

So here's some of that:

HRG releases Boobies (heh), 137.5-117.5

A valiant effort by Boobies (heh), who as you remember whined in the group chat about not being able to field a team. He was mostly buoyed by Dalvin Cook and Todd Gurley. But HRG owns all the Cowboys; literally his top 3 scorers were Cowboys, thanks in large part to a defense that couldn't stop an offense assembled of our league mates (see below), which meant Dak only threw to Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb. HRG finally scored a lot of points AND won a game.

DVD tops I-Ry in the Banville Bowl, 131-116.5

I-Ry FINALLY put up some points....but he ran into the Odell Beckham buzzsaw rolled out by DVD and...well that didn't work out for I-Ry. George Kittle, though, amirite?

Team Provost improves to 4-0, tops Regress To The Mean, 122-88

New team name for Nash, but he apparently doesn't know what "mean" means. He regressed WAAAY past that; his 88 points were far below the league average this week. Provost keeps rolling, thanks to the "washed" Aaron Rodgers; and no thanks for Nick Chubb, who's gonna be out for a while.

Jeff Fisher Effect FINALLY scores points, beats Utah Falco 121.5-84

To be fair, Joe Mixon isn't going to score 40 points every week, but JFE hopes it's something of a breakout. Falco had some bad luck with the Titans-Steelers "bye week", but also because he started Jeff Wilson. He had two big scoring weeks, and now has put up two straight low scoring weeks. He's hoping to get CMC back QUICK.

Hardcore Sucks sucks less than Pedro Pickles, wins 103.5-89.5

Pickles had to make a choice on the QB: start Mahomes and hope the game doesnt' get cancelled, or start Brees (who almost didn't play thanks to what turned out to be a false positive)? Either way, it wouldn't have made up the difference. Pickles is sitting in a good spot though: with the loss of Nick Chubb, he's hoping Kareem Hunt sees a ton of work. Sucks wasn't great in this one, largely because Austin Ekeler ripped his hamstring apart.

SHOW ME THE MONNNNNAAAAAAAYYYY!

Hamilton Rod and Gun wins his first Tidwell of the year. It's his 7th ever, putting him third all-time.

How do I know that? I've added a Tidwell Award tab to our league history sheet. Check it out.

Smarter Than Phil Simms Football Squad

What would a STPS football team look like? You've already seen the helmet. But a jersey?

But really the question is who plays where.

Chris - Edge Rusher. Gonna have to get back into Cross Fit though.

Tim - Defensive back. Just blankets dudes.

Provost - Team doctor. He's the guy in the blue tent.

Kevin - Tight End. Height, but no speed. Plus, he's got one.

Nash - Running Back. Tarik Cohen mold. Dude has quicks.

Ryan - Safety. Ryan just wants to hit people.

Kyle - Middle Linebacker. Runs the defense.

Pete - Wide Reciever. Height, and more speed than Kevin. Injured less, too.

Cusick - Punter/Kicker. On a team that never does either.

Nate -  QB. Game manager.

This was fun. On to Week 5!