Week 3, or Reaper gets a win?

Week 3 of Smarter Than Phil Simms gave us a new low scorer for the season, a first time in a long time thing, and begun the separation between the Haves and Have Nots.

The recaps begin NOW:

Scrote Squad (120) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (98)

There were some large player scores in this one, and some not large ones. Tom Brady put up a second straight huge week (30 points) for Boobies (heh) but Brandin Cooks put up his biggest week as a Patriot for Scrote Squad (31.5); TDs count for more points for receivers than they do for QBs. Amari Cooper really hurt Boobies (heh) with one catch in that slog of a Sunday night matchup. Looking at positional point differences, (I can’t believe I’m about to type this), Justin Tucker’s 1 point in the London game vs Matt Bryant’s 14 points is a major part of the difference in this game. Solid kicker analysis.

Grim Reaper (119.5) vs. Outta Luck (96)

Reaper’s long losing streak is finally over.

He got big weeks from basically everyone not named Hunter Henry or Isaiah Crowell. Team FKHA was definitely outta luck this week, though he finally got a big week from T.Y. Hilton (26.5 points) and that abysmal Colts offense. Jordy Nelson had a big week too, but when your RBs combine for 12 points, it’s gonna be tough to win.

Hooper’s Heroes (121.5) vs. Team Provost (84.5)

When you have Mr. Consistent Antonio Brown on your roster, you have a good shot to win every single week. When you add Gronk’s upside to that mix, your shot gets better. And when Dalvin Cook puts up a big week, and Frank Gore manages to walk (I don’t think Gore really “rushes” any more) for 57 yards and a TD and 11.5 fantasy points, you’ve got a REAL good shot to win. It gets easier when your opponent kept an injured QB (Cam Newton), insists on playing the god awful Patriots D, and doesn’t have a 20 point scorer on his roster. Zeke and Shady, though, have not played as well as they can the last two weeks. If they get their stuff together, Provost will be better.

Jameis Winston Zeddemore (80.5) vs. Iron Ryan (74.5)

This was a matchup for two 2-0 teams in an early season battle for position. And man, that Ravens D, which had been so good the first two weeks looked awful. Against the Jaguars. And Blake Bortles.

These two teams are better than this matchup will lead you to believe. Jay Ajayi (Zeddemore) will usually score more than 2 points against the pitiful Jets, and Terrelle Pryor (I refuse to use the “Sr.” designation) and Kelvin Benjamin (Iron Ryan) will sometimes score more than 3 combined points. And Beast Mode isn’t going to put up 1.5 points that often either.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (127) vs. Pedro Pickles (59)

Here’s what happened: Pedro Pickles left all his good players on the bench, and started all his shitty players. I mean, that’s basically it. Playing his optimal lineup would have netted him 166 points, and a win. But hey, that’s fantasy football. You want to know who Pickles’ BENCH would have beaten this week? Everybody but Reaper, Hooper’s Heroes and Fisher Effect. I don’t think he’ll be sitting Chris Thompson ever again. But of course, Thompson will get 4.5 points next week when Pickles plays him. Fisher’s Todd Gurley, Kareem Hunt and Melvin Gordon stack looks pretty intimidating. Barring injury, he might have three top 10 RBs this season.

This week’s Money winner

The Jeff Fisher Effect is the highest scoring team in the league, for the second week in a row.

Bench stuff

You'd think with all those bench points, Pedro Pickles would have had the highest scoring bench player for the week. But that honor belonged to Stefon Diggs (Jeff Fisher Effect). Pickles had #2 though: Russell Wilson's 31.

There will be a second post later in the week with a short research project. Nothing too elaborate, but kind of interesting. And I promise not to use as many GIFs.

BREAKING NEWS!

Well, it finally happened.

Chris used some of his FAAB money. Finally.

We're now down to one owner who hasn't ever used his FAAB. You're up, Cusick.

Week 2 notes, or better scores, and crappy teams

Week 2 in Smarter Than Phil Simms provided some better, less stress inducing outputs for most owners. Some still got crappy performances, but perhaps that’s because the teams are crappy. Read on to find out what your Commish thinks.

Jameis Winston Zeddemore (94.5) vs. Outta Luck (77)

This one was damn close going into the Sunday Night Packers/Falcons tilt. And was over pretty quick. Julio had 50 yards before I even turned the game on, and Jordy Nelson went down with an injury shortly after that...and the team formerly known as Hardcore was toast. The David Johnson injury might sink Team FKAH’s season, but this game was a lot of injuries; Nelson, Jimmy Graham, Rob Kelley… The Rob Kelley injury was the big one, since the Rams D was an ineffective Immodium. I do think Zeddemore might regret dropping Big Ben and Martavis Bryant. It just so happens they went to perhaps the most hapless team in the league this year.

Iron Ryan (91.5) vs. Scrote Squad (85.5)

This was the only matchup that was in doubt going into Monday night. Iron Ryan trailed by 6 points, and needed basically marginal effectiveness from the Giants D, and Odell Beckham to do something on his injured ankle. He got it, and pulled out the victory. No huge point scorers in this match up: Iron got 21 from Drew Brees which was the highest player score in this one.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (127.5) vs. Hooper’s Heroes (114.5)

The Jeff Fisher Effect finally, for the first time in seven matchups over 3+ years of Smarter Than Phil Simms, defeated Hooper’s Heroes. Heroes did everything they could, including big weeks from Ty Montgomery and Gronk; but JFE got big weeks from Kareem Hunt and Todd Gurley. Notice that JFE didn’t make the mistake of sitting Hunt and Tyreek Hill again, even though the two combined to score less than half what they did in Week 1.

Pedro Pickles (119.5) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (87.5)

Pickles got a combined 50 points from Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree (3 TD catches), to take this matchup between friends and groomsmen. Thankfully Tim Brady MFers shook off his crappy opening night and scored 28 points against a crappy Saints D, but Devonta Freeman was the only other guy to get comfortably into double digits (Randall Cobb and the Texans D scored 10 points) and Boobies (heh) had no shot. His team doesn’t look very good. He might need to use some of that FAAB money this year. It’s not real money, Crobi.

Team Provost (110) vs. Grim Reaper (72)

Reaper’s losing streak now measures 16, and it doesn’t look like he’s got much help coming. He made some poor decisions scoring-wise this week (starting Isaiah Crowell over Carlos Hyde, but it wouldn’t have helped him. Provost got lucky, overcoming a combined 9 points from Zeke and Shady. Good thing CJ Anderson forgot he was CJ Anderson and scored 28.5.

Early Analysis

Early returns make me think we’ve got three teams that will be vying for The Worst this year: Reaper, Boobies (heh) and the Team Formerly Known as Hardcore (henceforth, Team FKAH). It’s early, and a lot can change between now and the end of the season, but these teams just don’t have much fire power. Team FKAH made some good moves on waivers after Week 1, but that David Johnson injury is really going to kill his team. Reaper and Boobies didn’t do much on waivers, choosing (perhaps rightly) not to make major changes after one bad week. But now it’s been two weeks, and we know a little more about our players and their situations.

Scrote Squad also looks a little thin. He managed a Week 1 win and kept Week 2 pretty close, but if you’re starting two receivers from the same team, AND that team is the Patriots, you might be a redneck. Or in trouble.

This week’s Money winner: The Jeff Fisher Effect had the highest team score this week.

Other randomness

Three teams had their highest scoring player get less than 20 points: Team FKAH (Alshon, 18.5), Scrote Squad (Chris Hogan, 15.5) and Grim Reaper (MIke Gillislee, 12).

Pickles wins the Benchie Award this week. Chris Thompson scored 23.5 points on his bench, though he didn’t need it. Squeezing him in the lineup might have helped him take home some cash this week though.

Week 3 begins Thursday night with a riveting tilt between the 49ers and the Rams. Let’s hope Hurricane Jose doesn’t drown the Northeast, so we can all watch.

I'm working on a better, more readable all-time head-to-head matchup document, and some other historical data. I'll be sharing that with you all this week some time.

Until next time, America!

-Commish

Week 1 Notes, or perhaps the worst week in STPS history

Well, this Week 1 was underwhelming to say the least. Shitty games, shitty football, and shitty fantasy scores. In fact, here's Week 1 in GIF form:

Thanks to the stupid dual Monday night games, not a single matchup was finalized following Sunday’s action, which I guess is good for the NFL, but annoying for The Commish. In fact, I woke up this morning at 3:30 and couldn’t sleep, so I wrote this. On to the recap:

Scrote Squad (85.5) vs. Hardcore Sacks (60.5)

Neither of these teams had a big week. Even a little bit big. Hardcore might have gone soft: David Johnson could reportedly miss 8-12 weeks, which basically means Hardcore is in trouble (worse if Andrew Luck doesn’t come back until October). Hardcore’s depth doesn’t look to help him out at all: his bench scored a total of 10 points, or half a point less than LaGarrette Blount did on Scrote’s bench.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (86) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (66)

It sure looked good for Boobies (heh) when Fisher elected to leave Kareem Hunt AND Tyreek Hill (and their combined 68 points) on his bench for the Thursday night game, and he got basically nothing from “Tim Brady MFer” in the same game. But he got basically nothing from the rest of his team too. Amari Cooper was his highest scoring player, and was outscored by JFE's kicker.

Hooper’s Heroes (107.5) vs. Grim Reaper (76)

Honestly, my favorite part about this one is the namesake of Hooper’s Heroes was on the bench, and outscored his starting TE (Gronk). Granted, Austin Hooper’s 2 catch, 128 yard and a TD doesn’t seem repeatable. Reaper extended his losing streak to 15 regular season games. DeAndre Hopkins and his 14.5 points were the most by a starter this week for Reaper.

Iron Ryan (87.5) vs. Pedro Pickles (71)

Leonard Fournette justified his high draft position, helping Iron Ryan to the win. It didn’t even matter that the Giants D scored zero points for him. Pedro Pickles highest scoring player sadly was on his bench, and he (like everyone else) didn’t get production from his starters.

Jameis Winston Zeddemore (85) vs. Team Provost (77.5)

Team Provost got double digit performances from both his RBs (Zeke-16.5; Shady-18.5) but not much of anything else. He also got negative points from the terrible awful no good very bad Patriots D. Adam Vinatieri is cooked. Zeddemore got a big week from the Ravens D (thank you, Andy Dalton), but is now hurting to receivers with A-Rob’s torn ACL.

Other stuff

Benchie Award

The Benchie Award this week goes to The Jeff Fisher Effect. He had the highest scoring player of the week (Kareem Hunt), and sat him. In fact, his bench scored so many points...

Teams what would have lost to The Jeff Fisher Effect’s bench

Everyone except Hooper’s Heroes. And even then Heroes would have squeaked out a 107.5-106 victory.

In fact: EVERYONE (except Heroes) would have lost to Tyreek Hill, Kareem Hunt and Stefon Diggs, who scored 93.5 combined points.

Yes, that includes JFE's own starters.

Teams that also would have lost to ONLY Tyreek Hill and Kareem Hunt (on JFE’s bench)

Released Dix On Boobies, Hardcore Sacks

I know this could sound like a brag by the Commish, but I really don't mean it to. I’m genuinely amazed, and the statistical anomaly of this is so crazy. It’s not going to happen again. Ever. (Which of course means it will happen again next week)

Other Random Tidbits

- Pedro Pickles had the lowest scoring high scoring player (Keenan Allen; 11.5)

- JFE, Iron Ryan, and Grim Reaper all had their kicker as the second highest scoring player.

This week’s Money winner: Hooper’s Heroes (107.5). Again, no one else even scored 90. Because we all suck. I really don’t know what I would have done if JFE’s bench had scored the most points...

Let's be honest: this week was absolute trash.

I’m really interested to see how Week 2 shakes down. It’s got to be better than this one, right? Normally, I’d say we’d get a boost from two teams returning from an unexpected bye week, but those teams are the Bucs and Dolphins…. So I guess maybe not.

Week 2 had better be better.