Week 2 in Smarter Than Phil Simms provided some better, less stress inducing outputs for most owners. Some still got crappy performances, but perhaps that’s because the teams are crappy. Read on to find out what your Commish thinks.
Jameis Winston Zeddemore (94.5) vs. Outta Luck (77)
This one was damn close going into the Sunday Night Packers/Falcons tilt. And was over pretty quick. Julio had 50 yards before I even turned the game on, and Jordy Nelson went down with an injury shortly after that...and the team formerly known as Hardcore was toast. The David Johnson injury might sink Team FKAH’s season, but this game was a lot of injuries; Nelson, Jimmy Graham, Rob Kelley… The Rob Kelley injury was the big one, since the Rams D was an ineffective Immodium. I do think Zeddemore might regret dropping Big Ben and Martavis Bryant. It just so happens they went to perhaps the most hapless team in the league this year.
Iron Ryan (91.5) vs. Scrote Squad (85.5)
This was the only matchup that was in doubt going into Monday night. Iron Ryan trailed by 6 points, and needed basically marginal effectiveness from the Giants D, and Odell Beckham to do something on his injured ankle. He got it, and pulled out the victory. No huge point scorers in this match up: Iron got 21 from Drew Brees which was the highest player score in this one.
The Jeff Fisher Effect (127.5) vs. Hooper’s Heroes (114.5)
The Jeff Fisher Effect finally, for the first time in seven matchups over 3+ years of Smarter Than Phil Simms, defeated Hooper’s Heroes. Heroes did everything they could, including big weeks from Ty Montgomery and Gronk; but JFE got big weeks from Kareem Hunt and Todd Gurley. Notice that JFE didn’t make the mistake of sitting Hunt and Tyreek Hill again, even though the two combined to score less than half what they did in Week 1.
Pedro Pickles (119.5) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (87.5)
Pickles got a combined 50 points from Derek Carr and Michael Crabtree (3 TD catches), to take this matchup between friends and groomsmen. Thankfully Tim Brady MFers shook off his crappy opening night and scored 28 points against a crappy Saints D, but Devonta Freeman was the only other guy to get comfortably into double digits (Randall Cobb and the Texans D scored 10 points) and Boobies (heh) had no shot. His team doesn’t look very good. He might need to use some of that FAAB money this year. It’s not real money, Crobi.
Team Provost (110) vs. Grim Reaper (72)
Reaper’s losing streak now measures 16, and it doesn’t look like he’s got much help coming. He made some poor decisions scoring-wise this week (starting Isaiah Crowell over Carlos Hyde, but it wouldn’t have helped him. Provost got lucky, overcoming a combined 9 points from Zeke and Shady. Good thing CJ Anderson forgot he was CJ Anderson and scored 28.5.
Early Analysis
Early returns make me think we’ve got three teams that will be vying for The Worst this year: Reaper, Boobies (heh) and the Team Formerly Known as Hardcore (henceforth, Team FKAH). It’s early, and a lot can change between now and the end of the season, but these teams just don’t have much fire power. Team FKAH made some good moves on waivers after Week 1, but that David Johnson injury is really going to kill his team. Reaper and Boobies didn’t do much on waivers, choosing (perhaps rightly) not to make major changes after one bad week. But now it’s been two weeks, and we know a little more about our players and their situations.
Scrote Squad also looks a little thin. He managed a Week 1 win and kept Week 2 pretty close, but if you’re starting two receivers from the same team, AND that team is the Patriots, you might be a redneck. Or in trouble.
This week’s Money winner: The Jeff Fisher Effect had the highest team score this week.
Other randomness
Three teams had their highest scoring player get less than 20 points: Team FKAH (Alshon, 18.5), Scrote Squad (Chris Hogan, 15.5) and Grim Reaper (MIke Gillislee, 12).
Pickles wins the Benchie Award this week. Chris Thompson scored 23.5 points on his bench, though he didn’t need it. Squeezing him in the lineup might have helped him take home some cash this week though.
Week 3 begins Thursday night with a riveting tilt between the 49ers and the Rams. Let’s hope Hurricane Jose doesn’t drown the Northeast, so we can all watch.
I'm working on a better, more readable all-time head-to-head matchup document, and some other historical data. I'll be sharing that with you all this week some time.
Until next time, America!
-Commish
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