Smarter Than Phil Simms Fantasy Football League: Week 4, or the craziest Monday Night finish ever

This week in Smarter Than Phil Simms was… well, let’s be honest…. second on our minds to what happened in Las Vegas. I can’t just write this without acknowledging that tragedy. But Fantasy Football is a welcome distraction from that. So, let’s commune here for a few minutes to take our minds of it. Deal?

On to the recaps!

Released Dix On Boobies (84.5) vs. Iron Ryan (82.5)

The “homer” decision to play the Giants D cost Iron Ryan the tie; the decision to sit Terrelle Pryor cost him the win. Drew Brees and Leonard Fournette did their best, but they were no match for the Texans D and Tom Brady. Boobies (heh) pulled out the win, even with Jason Witten, his brand new shiny $11 TE scoring 0.5 points.

Outta Luck (86.5) vs. Hooper’s Heroes (82.5)

Hooper’s Heroes was the highest scoring team going into the week. But he just didn’t have many points available to him this week, as he became the second team this week to lose while scoring 82.5 points. Two players scored 21 in this matchup (Aaron Rodgers for Heroes, Jordy Nelson for Outta Luck), but the real difference came from a lackluster performance from Antonio Brown and an injury to Ty Montgomery. The Team Formerly Known As Hardcore Sacks continues to have terrible luck: Chris Carson went down with a broken leg, Rob Kelley injured an ankle on Monday night (again), and Mohamed Sanu is going to miss some time. So not only are his starters getting injured, his bench players are getting injured too.

Pedro Pickles (130.5) vs. Team Provost (92.5)

As poor a week as Pickles had last week is as good a week as he had this week. (does that sentence even make sense?) Le’Veon Bell finally had that breakout game, Russell Wilson played well (against the Colts so… pump the brakes) and the 3 points from Coby Fleener didn’t hurt him. The Bucs D lost him a point this week, two weeks after getting him 18 points. The only thing Provost really could have done is play Cam Newton, but even that wouldn’t have saved him this week. Pickles was just too much.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (146.5) vs. Scrote Squad (56.5)

Scrote and Pickles basically traded spots between last week and this week. The Ball Tappers had ONE player in his lineup (and only two on his entire roster) score in double figures. He had no shot against The Effect this week. ONLY one of The Effect’s players did NOT score in double digits, lead by Todd Gurley (32.5) and Greg Zuerlein (27). Scrote would have lost to JFE’s bench (57-56.5).

Grim Reaper (99.5) vs. Jameis Winston Zeddemore (93)

This one was up for grabs LITERALLY until the end of the Monday Night game. I watched this matchup all night. At the end of the third quarter, it was Zeddemore 93 (with Travis Kelce in play), Reaper 90.5 (with Kirk Cousins and the Chiefs D), with projections of 95.7, and 95.3. At 7:44 to go, the projection was locked up at 94. With 4:51 to go, the projections gave an edge to Zeddemore, 94-93, with an actual score of 93-91.5 for Zeddemore. But Cousins was about to get the ball, which meant the Chiefs D was on the field too. The first play, a 16 yard pass by Cousins to Terrelle Pryor, added a point for Cousins, but lost 2 for the Chiefs D, widening the gap to 93-90.5. A rushing play by Cousins added that point back, 93-91.5. Another scrambling run leading up to the two-minute warning brought Cousins up to 20 points, and gave Reaper a 93.5-93 lead. The KC D seemed content to let Cousins just run the ball, which was OK because it seemed the Redskins were just interested in giving their kicker a chance to tie the game in the closing seconds. As the ‘Skins tied it, the 20 points meant the Chiefs D dropped to 0 points, and Zeddemore led 93-92.5. Then Harrison Butker kicked a field goal to give the Chiefs the win, and that was it.

Or so we thought. Because with 4 seconds left, the Redskins tried one of those “lateral as many times as possible and hope something good happens” plays. And the ball came out, and the Chiefs took it in for a TD, giving Reaper his second straight victory, 99.5-93.

And that’s not all. The Chiefs were 7 point favorites last night. That TD covered the spread.

Oh, and the over/under was 48. Yeah, that TD made the over too. This is the kind of thing that simultaneously makes me happy I don’t gamble, and sad I don’t gamble.

Other random things

- The highest scoring player (Le’Veon Bell-33 pts) and highest scoring bench player (Cam Newton-31 pts) came from the same matchup (Pickles vs. Provost)

- I noted before Scrote Squad would have lost to JFE’s bench. He also would have lost to the benches of Reaper, Zeddemore and Provost.

This week’s Money Winner

The Jeff Fisher Effect is the money winner for the third week in a row.

!!REMINDER!!

So we’re 28.5 percent of the way through the fantasy regular season, and Week 5 is the first one with any bye weeks. So sit your Falcons, Broncos, Saints and Redskins. We haven’t had a problem in prior years, but don’t make me come after you for leaving bye week players in your lineup.