I’m guessing most of you didn’t notice a small change from last week’s results. A stat correction took away a reception from Alvin Kamara (must have been a shovel pass) and the loss of the half-point cost Reaper the tie against Scrote Squad. I’ll go more into the standings and what they mean in the midseason report coming out later this week. But onto this week’s recaps.
Outta Luck (78.5) vs. Iron Ryan (48)
Holy hell, this was a shit show. Both teams had less than 50 going into the Monday night game, and Iron Ryan put up his lowest point total ever (previous low was 62 in Week 4, 2015). This was just awful. Only three players in this matchup scored double digit points (Drew Brees for Iron, Carson Wentz and Jimmy Graham for Luck-less). Wentz was pretty legit on Monday, and he could be a bright spot for Luck-less moving forward. Iron was lowlighted by Marshawn Lynch’s 0 points (I mean, Lynch ran further and faster on his sprint onto the field to tackle an official than at any point this season).
Bad news, Marshawn. It’s BECAUSE you were there that you got fined. And suspended.
Pedro Pickles (117.5) vs. Hooper’s Heroes (76.5)
It was not a good week for The Heroes. He posted the third lowest score in the league, which is sort of impressive for the second leading scorer. He was able to use Latavius Murray and his 18 points, but the rest of his roster wasn’t able to muster enough. Antonio Brown and Ben Roethlisberger combined for 30 points, but he got a total of 1.5 from Ty Montgomery and the Ravens D. Pickles, meanwhile, got big weeks from Russell Wilson (25 points), Lev Bell (20.5) and Mike Evans (17.5), along with solid weeks from most other player. And he left Aaron Jones (22.5 points) and Derek Carr (30) on his bench.
Released Dix On Boobies (98) vs. Jameis Winston Zeddemore (85.5)
Boobies (heh) earned his second win of the season, and Zeddemore just continues to struggle. Jay Ajayi went another game without a touchdown, and only mustered 8.5 points. Zeddemore managed to add Matt Ryan off waivers this week to team with Julio Jones, in hopes of boosting his scoring. It didn’t work quite well enough, though the two combined for 34.5 points. Boobies (heh) got a big week from Jarvis Landry and Jason Witten. On paper, you’d think Boobies (heh) would have felt good (yeah, had to) playing both Titans RBs against the pitiful Browns. But who knew the Titans O would have been so pitiful that they didn’t score a touchdown? But again, it didn’t matter.
Team Provost (124.5) vs. Scrote Squad (102)
Provost had the highest scoring starter this week in Zeke Elliot (41.5 points), and his tandem with Shady McCoy boosted him to the victory and the second highest point total of the week. He caught a small break when Scrote decided not to play Jordan Reed and his 22.5 points, or Doug Baldwin and his 19.5, though I guess both moves are defensible. But it’s probably not a mistake Scrote will make again.
No explanation for this GIF. It’s just...there.
The Jeff Fisher Effect (133.5) vs. Grim Reaper (89.5)
Another week, another dominant performance for The Effect. This one was mostly over after Thursday night, as Alex Smith, Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill combined for 60 points. The Effect posted the second highest score in the league this season despite Melvin Gordon putting up his lowest total of the season. The Effect is a force. Reaper continues to be encouraged by Evan Engram and his 15 points and Kirk Cousins reasonably consistent play, but there was just nothing he could do this week.
Other Notable Stuff
It was pretty evident in the GroupMe chat on Friday morning that Boobies (heh) was upset he hadn’t played Amari Cooper (the highest scoring bench player this week with 41.5 points). He also could be upset for sitting Dak Prescott and his 30 points. Needless to say, Boobies (heh) had the highest scoring bench of the week. Always feels better when you have the highest scoring bench and win anyway.
Money Winner
The Jeff Fisher Effect is the money winner one more time, his fifth time of the season.
Upcoming This Week
Now that we’re halfway through the regular season, keep your eyes peeled for the annual Mid-Season Report, hopefully no later than Friday.
And we’re on to Week 8! Enjoy this GIF of Marshawn lifting a few Skittles.
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