Week 9 provided us with a major logjam in the standings, and virtually no drama. This was the first week this season (I’m pretty sure) where each matchup was either decided, or effectively over thanks to a huge lead going into Monday night.
(Sorry for the lack of GIFs. It appears giphy.com isn't working. Womp womp.)
Outta Luck (91) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (60.5)
Here’s a conversation the Commish had with Outta Luck on Sunday, after he chose to sit T.Y. Hilton.
So needless to say, Hilton had a big day, and was easily the highest scoring bench player of the week (he's also the WR4 in the league this season). But it didn’t matter, because Boobies (heh) laid an egg, posting his fourth sub-70 point week of the season. Certainly didn't help that AJ Green got ejected for Boobies (heh) after scoring a half-point. Luck-less might be in the (un)enviable position of having to choose between T.Y. Hilton and Jordy Nelson. You’d think this would be awesome...except that the QBs are NOT Andrew Luck and Aaron Rodgers, but Jacoby Brissett (ick) and Brett Hundley (double ick).
Scrote Squad (123) vs. Pedro Pickles (64.5)
Scrote picked up Jared Goff after losing the recently acquired Deshaun Watson, which worked out for him this week. Alshon Jeffery, who he also got in the trade for Watson, had a big day. The recently acquired Buck Allen also came up large. So Scrote looks like he got the good part of those deals (at least for now). Too bad for Pickles, every NFL has a bye week, and this week was the Steelers’, which meant no Le’Veon Bell. He also had bad luck with his Buccaneers offensive players, getting a combined 2 points from Cameron Brate and Mike Evans (who is now suspended for a game).
Grim Reaper (117) vs. Hooper’s Heroes (94.5)
Reaper’s attempts to make the playoffs seem to be paying dividends: his top two scorers this week (Alvin Kamara and Dak Prescott) were acquired in trades. This matchup was also an indicator as to how far Heroes has fallen. It also shows you what can happen on bye weeks. Five of the six players on his bench are on bye, and the other is basically no longer a viable fantasy asset (Ty Montgomery, who the Packers should just make a WR again). The major difference in this one: Reaper had solid days and lots of double digit point getters; Heroes had neither of either.
Iron Ryan (114) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (98.5)
For Iron Ryan: a second straight very good week, and a second straight win. For The Effect, a second straight decent but unspectacular week, a second straight loss. The Raiders remembered why they signed Marshawn Lynch, and used him as a battering ram for two TDs, Adrian Peterson reclaimed some glory days, and Rishard Matthews caught a touchdown for Iron Ryan. The Effect got his usual week from Todd Gurley, and Tyreek Hill, but the Denver D laid an egg against the Eagles. Iron Ryan didn’t even need Matt Prater on Monday night to notch the victory.
Jameis Winston Zeddemore (97) vs. Team Provost (82)
Frustrating for Team Provost: Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension keeps coming and going, and if it actually goes, he’s going to lose him basically until the playoffs (and perhaps through the playoffs). So he basically needs all the wins he can get while Zeke is playing. And he didn’t get one. He had good solid weeks from Zeke, Cam Newton and (inexplicably) Jared Cook, but got garbage point outputs from the rest of his team, and couldn’t pull out a win. Zeddemore put up his highest point total of the season so far (though he remains the only team without a 100 point week). AND he got a big ol’ zero from his quarterback. But Jay Ajayi finally scored a touchdown (did anyone see the run? Ajayi is SLOW, by NFL standards anyway), and so did Demaryius Thomas, helping offset that goose egg.
Money Winner
Scrote Squad is this week’s money winner, with his highest point total on the season.
Standings Analysis
Wow, these standings are a bleepin' mess, eh?
The Effect remains at the top at 7-2, and maintains a two-game lead over second place, after Pickles and Heroes both lost. Pickles, Heroes, Scrote, and Zeddemore are all 5-4, while Provost, Reaper, Iron Ryan and Luck-less are all 4-5. Each one has a legit shot at the playoffs. Poor Boobies (heh) isn’t very perky down there at 2-7, and will need a serious run to make it happen.
Even the points race is damn close in that middle pack. Except for Zeddemore, who has the second FEWEST points in the league, ahead of only Boobies (heh). And has almost 20 fewer points than Iron Ryan, who has the fewest points of the 4-5 teams.
Also interesting: Our standings are like RACECAR or MADAM, I’M ADAM: a palindrome.
Longest Palindrome I could find, courtesy of palindromelist.net:
Are we not pure? “No sir!” Panama’s moody Noriega brags. “It is garbage!” Irony dooms a man; a prisoner up to new era.
Week 10 Preview
There are FOUR big matchups this week in terms of playoff positioning in Week 10. Hooper’s Heroes and Scrote Squad are the only matchup of 5-win teams, so at least someone will have 6 wins after this week. Provost and Reaper match up at 4-5, where the winner would keep pace, and the loser would fall two games behind in the race for the #2 seed: however, he’d maintain a pace for the playoffs. You can’t really call that one a “must win” but both teams want to win to help them keep pace; winner stays up in the race for the #2 seed, loser falls (temporarily) out of the playoff picture. These four games won’t do much to solidify the playoff picture (in fact, they’ll probably just further muddy it up), but every win is important. Someone will need to separate from this middle pack, or the playoffs will be up for grabs straight until Week 14 (which would be pretty awesome, I admit).
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