Ahh, Week 1. The start of the fifth season of Smarter Than Phil Simms. The one week when everyone thinks they have a chance (even though everyone else knows Crobi doesn't).
Wait a minute… this is Week 2? Right. Sleep deprivation kicking in. I guess since it's Week 2 (heading into Week 3), now even Crobi knows he doesn't have a chance.
Actually, it's Cusick who doesn't have a chance.
Let's do some long awaited recaps, shall we? We shall!
Panic Time Squad (129, 1-1) vs. Pedro Pickles (121, 0-2)
Well, perhaps Panic Time Squad (PTS) changed his name too early, because this week offered very little reason to panic. It's a major tough break for Pedro, who sat there as Patrick Mahomes was throwing 6 TDs, "No way my QB gets outscored!" and then his QB was outscored. By the other QB in the same game (Ben Roethlisberger). Interesting tidbit: both of their defenses lost points this week. Pickles is the most consistent team in the league, scoring 122 and 121 points, but he’s been a hard luck loser twice. His team is much better than his 0-2 record.
The Jeff Fisher Effect (118.5, 2-0) vs. Scrote Squad (90, 0-2)
This one came down to the lack of strength at wide receiver for Scrote. It's going to be hard to compete with teams trotting out Robert Woods and Marvin Jones. It's also a stroke of bad luck when your kicker goes down in pre-game warm-ups (Greg Zeuerlin). JFE caught a break with Melvin Gordon who had about 50 total yards in the game, but scored three touchdowns. JFE might be in trouble with the injury to Joe Mixon.
Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (83.5, 2-0) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (65.5, 1-1)
This game looked a lot like the Sunday Night Giants-Cowboys game: shitty. Not ONE of the starters in this matchup reached 100 scrimmage yards (QBs not included), which explains the insanely low scores. Hardcore had a big week last week, but this week beat the only team he could have. David Johnson could be lost in that putrid Cardinals offense, but if he and Antonio Brown have days, look out. Boobies (heh) got some TDs from his RBs, but Gronk was virtually shut out by the Jags defense. I’m not sure what he’s going to do when (if?) Lev Bell comes back and James Conner becomes superfluous.
Dancin' Dennis Nedry (147, 2-0) vs. Death Valley Driver (126, 1-1)
It's funny what happens when you have the same team as the previous year's champion: you win. Tyreek Hill, Stefon Diggs and Todd Gurley carried DDN for the second straight week. Now, this is not disparaging to DDN; you draft good players, you win games, and score lots of points. Death Valley is just a hard luck loser this week, since they would have beaten almost any other team this week. Make no mistake, if you're looking for the top teams to this point, I'd be looking at this matchup.
Team Provost (118.5, 1-1) vs. Iron Ryan (85, 0-2)
It’s a different year, but once again, Iron Ryan is more like Brittle Ryan. His team just can’t seem to stay healthy. With no Doug Baldwin or Leonard Fournette, his team is not very deep. Plus he’s got that Irish Dancer Alex Collins, who’s just...well….not good. Provost will be able to go as far as Saquon and Zeke will carry him. This week felt like the ceiling for his guys, with all his skill position guys achieving double digits. It’s a nice ceiling and will get him a lot of wins, but may not carry him far into the playoffs.
Rod Tidwell Award
Dancin’ Dennis Nedry is the Tidwell Award winner for the second straight week. In Week 1, he won the prize by half a point.
Housekeeping and Hodge Podge
Matt Breida (DDN) was the Benchie Award winner this week. He had the most points, non-QB division on the bench. Kirk Cousins had 33 points on the bench as the highest scoring QB on the bench. Shockingly, he WASN'T the better play for his owner (Pickles had Mahomes and his 37).
Death Valley Driver had the highest scoring total bench of the week.
Just a reminder of our new IR roster spot. Only players with the little red "IR" next to their name are eligible to be used in that spot. Technically, ESPN allows other players to be used in that spot, but we established the spot only for IR'ed players (see: Dancin' Dennis Nedry and Panic Time Squad for proper use).
I WILL be putting together a spreadsheet like last year with week-by-week totals, positional points and all that. I'm still working on building it, so stay tuned for that. You know, in my copious amounts of free time.
Until next week, League mates!
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