Week 13, or One More Week Til The Playoffs

I was damn near prophetic last week when mentioning the number of 6-7 teams we could have. We came up one short of my mentioned number, and we have a new holder of the 4th and final playoff spot.

Jeff Fisher Effect escapes vs. Panic Time Squad, 108-107

Well, this was a heckuva matchup. JFE had all but 1 of his players go in the 1:00 games, and his final player go in the 4:25 time slot. His 108 was there, ready to be aimed at all afternoon. And Panic Time just missed it. In a game that was remarkably balanced (each had one “exploding” player in Philip Lindsay for JFE and Travis Kelce for PTSd), JFE squeaked it out in the end. If the Steelers hadn’t been offside THREE TIMES on the final FG attempt Sunday night, Big Ben might have scored another point and we’d be having a different conversation.

Death Valley Driver squeaks by Released Dix On Boobies, 92-89.5

In another squeaker of a matchup, Boobies (heh) basically wishes he hadn’t played a defense. The VIkings defense lost him 3 points; If he doesn’t play a defense, this game ends 92.5-92. Ouch. DVD clinches a playoff spot, but he’s limping toward the playoffs with 4 sub-100 point scores in his last 5 games. Boobies (heh) is eliminated, thanks in no small part to Kareem Hunt and his stupidity.

Hardcore Sacks smashes Iron Ryan, 115-74.5

He didn’t eliminate him, but Hardcore made it very difficult for Iron Ryan to make the playoffs (more on that later). I.R. showed that without Leonard Fournette he doesn’t have much, especially if Julio Jones can’t do anything. Hardcore had a mediocre (for him) week, but he’s cemented his standing as the #1 seed.

Pedro Pickles topples Dancin’ Dennis Nedry, 129-84

Whoa, Nedry! Dancin’ Dennis disappeared this week, posting his lowest score of the year. Todd Gurley was his lone bright spot, scoring 30.5 of his 84 points. He’ll probably be fine for the playoffs (I mean, he’s the second highest scoring team in the league, so we know what he’s capable of) but, speaking from experience, it doesn’t feel great when you put up a stinker of a week this close to the playoffs. No one will feel sorry for him, least of all Pedro Pickles, who won his first Tidwell Award, and is currently sitting as the 4 seed. Patrick Mahomes and Keenan Allen are a major reason. And Zach Ertz certainly hasn’t hurt.

Scrote Squad holds off Team Provost, 118.5-116

Scrote Squad really deserves to be in the conversation for the playoffs, especially with Christian McCaffrey running all over everyone this year. Provost basically has two good players in Saquon and Zeke, and has to hope someone else pops. This week, it was Golden Tate, who happened to be in his lineup. Even though Chris Godwin wasn’t.

How Week 14 Breaks Down

There are 4 teams with a shot at the 4th seed. In no particular order: Iron Ryan, Pedro Pickles, The Jeff Fisher Effect, and Panic Time Squad.

Iron Ryan and Panic Time Squad square off against each other. Loser is out. Winner keeps his hopes alive. Sort of. Here’s the point breakdown for these 4 teams:

Pedro Pickles - 1438.5

Fisher Effect - 1436.5

Panic Time - 1404.5

Iron Ryan - 1235.5

For Iron Ryan to get in, he’s going to have to win, and hope Pickles and The Effect lose. There’s no way he makes up the 200 point gap in points scored.

Panic Time can get in with a win and losses by both Pickles and The Effect. OR, he can win AND make up the point difference (32-34-ish points). Doable, but seemingly unlikely.

If either The Effect OR Pickles win, The Effect and Pickles both win, it’s going to come down to whichever one of them scores more points. The Effect needs to score 2.5 more points than Pickles to make the playoffs. But basically, if either The Effect or Pickles wins, but the other doesn’t, they likely get in.

Money Time!

Pedro Pickles topped the scoring this week, winning his first ever Tidwell Award. His 129 points was his second highest output on the year. His highest weekly total (137) came in Week 6, and was actually only the THIRD highest total that week.

Thursday Night Game

It’s Jacksonville and Tennessee on Thursday night this week. Which means...no one cares. We seem to get this particular Thursday night matchup every year, and it always seems to disappoint. At least this year we won’t have to deal with this:

And we also won’t have to deal with those disgusting colored jerseys.

Commish out!