Week 12, or Craziness Continues

Last week in this space, I wrote about the 5-6 teams and how Week 12 would be make-or-break for them. And then, three of them lost. But thanks to a well-placed victory by a team that before this week seemed deep in the running for The Worst, all three still got a shot to seize the final spot.

So, let’s recap this bitch.

Iron Ryan rocks Jeff Fisher Effect, 123.5-105

Leonard Fournette carried I.R. this week, giving Iron Ryan the only victory among the 5-6 teams. Fisher Effect was victimized by low scoring weeks from his WRs. JFE is in trouble, especially after losing Melvin Gordon (definitely) and Marlon Mack (probably) to injury for Week 13.

Dancin’ Dennis Nedry stomps Released Dix On Boobies, 150-106

DDN dropped his highest point total of the season, thanks to not one but TWO 97-yard touchdown plays from guys on his roster (I call “shenanigans”). Boobies (heh) again got a half-point from some random Packers receiver, but c’mon, it’s not like he had enough points on his roster to keep pace this week anyway.

Scrote Squad kicks Pedro Pickles, 141.5-128

This one is a bitter pill for Pickles to swallow, with a score that would have beaten a lot of other teams this week (and this is not the first time this year he's been mistreated so). But it’s hard to beat the other guy when they have a 100-yard rusher and a 100-yard receiver, and damn near impossible when those are the same player (well done, Christian McCaffrey).

Team Provost plasters Panic Time Squad, 149.5-102

 When you have Ezekiel Elliot and Saquon Barkley on the same team, and then combine that with Amari Cooper’s crazy week, you’re going to be tough to beat. PTSd wishes he had ONE of those two RBs; his RBs combined to score 18.5 points, while Zeke scored 23.5 and Saquon rolled up 31.5.

Hardcore Sacks obliterates Death Valley Driver, 119.5-75

How does a team that is in line for a playoff spot put up 75 points? Easy. By starting Jalen Richard instead of Kenny Golladay. Also by rostering three D/STs, who scored a COMBINED 3 points this week (but remember, Matthew Berry said it was OK to draft the Jaguars D super early). Hardcore looks strong holding onto that top seed.

So, what now?

Well, Hardcore is in the playoffs, and based on his point totals, Dancin’ Dennis is in too. DDN can’t finish with more than 6 losses, and unless he just doesn’t fill out a roster for the next two weeks, there’s no way either 6-6 team makes up the points difference (PTSd has an almost 200 point deficit, and we discussed Iron Ryan’s futility last week, but just for the sheer sticker shock, is behind by an incredible 334 points).

Death Valley Driver is in third, and holds the third highest point total (1336). But his continued sub-90 point weeks have left him very vulnerable. The fourth- and sixth-highest point totals are 1328.5 and 1309.5. (I left out Scrote Squad's 1310.5 because he's too far back in the loss column.) Fortunately for DVD, those totals belong to Jeff Fisher Effect and Pedro Pickles, on whom he has a two-win cushion. It’s unlikely, but if DVD continues his slide and Fisher Effect and/or Pickles wins out, he could end up the odd man out.

All the losses gave Panic Time Squad the best possible circumstance following his own loss; he’s tied by record with Iron Ryan, but has 130 more points. Iron Ryan needs to finish with a better record to get in. But he’s got a leg up on the 5-7 teams. The bad news: his stud from last week, Leonard Fournette, decided to punch another dude who was wearing a football helmet (which I’ll never understand, but I digress) and got himself suspended for a game. Iron Ryan goes up against Hardcore this week.

Pedro Pickles, Jeff Fisher Effect and Boobies (heh) are all 5-7, and none of them play each other in the final two weeks.  Pickles meets Dancin’ Dennis this week, while Fisher gets Panic Time, and Boobies (heh) gets DVD. If all three of those teams comes out of the week 6-7…. I’m gonna need some serious math skills to sort out the playoff scenarios in Week 14.

I mean, there’s a possibility we come out of this week with FIVE 6-7 teams, which would make the final week REALLY interesting.

The Color of Money

For the third time this year, the Tidwell was won with a half-point margin. This week, Dancin’ Dennis and his twin 97-yarders snaked in and grabbed the cash.

Other Neat Stuff

We scored exactly 1200 points in Week 12, our highest scoring week this season. In the two years for which I have complete data, it’s our highest scoring week ever. In fact, in 2017, we broke the 1000 points barrier six times. In 2018, we’ve topped 1000 points in all 12 weeks.  In 2017, the average weekly score per team was 97.07. This year, it’s 110.01. It’s an impressive increase for which I have no reasonable explanation. It can’t possibly be that we’re all better fantasy players this year. That’s not a plausible explanation…

**TRADE DEADLINE**
Our trade deadline is scheduled for Sunday, December 2 @ MIDNIGHT EST. Trades must be agreed to and submitted through ESPN by that time. I'll wake up and make sure the trades will go through so they can be reflected in your lineups for the Sunday games.

ILLUSTRATION
This is how I imagine you guys working the trade deadline:

And this is probably how it will actually go:

Dilly dilly,

Commish

P.S. I hope you enjoyed the GIFs this week, Ryan.