Week 5, or a Hardcore 50th Win

Congratulations to Hardcore Sacks on his 50th all-time win! He topped Hamilton Rod & Gun this week, 164.5-104. It's Hardcore's first Tidwell of the season, and could have been an even bigger week, considering he left Aaron Jones (45.5 points) and Josh Jacobs (28.5 points) on his bench, who would have outscored the RBs he started. HRG got a big week from Amari Cooper, but it wasn't enough. He's currently tied to a LOT of Cowboys (which no one is really shocked by).

HRG's 104 points would have been enough to beat The Jeff Fisher Effect, who is 2-3 and has scored the fewest points in the league. "Allowing" the fewest points against helps (I guess he's playing good defense?). JFE was lucky Wayne Gallman got concussed, and Mike Evans only ran around on the field for the Buccaneers, but you don't get points for routes run. (Interesting scoring idea though.) JFE failed to top 90 points for the third time in 5 games, but escaped with the win 89-70.5. His team is junk.

Iron Ryan beat JFE last week only scoring 70 points. This week, he vastly improved his scoring but didn't manage to continue the luck; he lost this week to Utah Falco, 125.5-117. Falco continues to get enormous production out of Christian McCaffrey, and serviceable performances from the rest of his team. I-Ry might have won if he'd played DJ Chark (doo doo) and his 33 points.

Meanwhile, Released Dix On Boobies, who drafted DJ Chark LAST year, topped Pedro Pickles this week, 117.5-98. Pickles had the top scorer in the matchup in Michael Thomas (36.5 points) but Boobies (heh) didn't have the glaring donut put up by Sammy Watkins. Pickles instead kept Will Fuller (49 points!) on his bench.

Speaking of leaving big points on his bench, Death Valley Driver didn't play Deshaun Watson, the guy who threw to Will Fuller, but he still managed to escape with the win over Hooked On A Thielen, 115.5-113. HOTA left his namesake on the bench again, and it burned him.

So with all this, we have SIX teams sitting at 3-2. And looking at points, I-Ry is 9th overall in points for, but is 3-2. Pickles, currently our only 1-4 team, has 20 more points than I-Ry, and 71! more than Fisher Effect, yet trails each of them in the standings. It's a bit of tough luck that will probably even itself out as the season goes along.

I mean, there's no way the Commish keeps winning putting up so few points. It just can't happen.

Odds (pulled out of thin air, not actual math even a little) of finishing as The Worst this year:
The Jeff Fisher Effect - 1-2
Iron Ryan - 1-1
Pedro Pickles - 2-1
Everyone else - no bet, because it ain't happening

We move on to Week 6...