SURPRISE!! The BIG reveal!

So I'm sure you've all been waiting like this for the big surprise...

I've thought for a while it would be awesome to have an official league logo. So I used the website Fiverr.com, and had one made....

AND HEEEEEEERRRRREEEEEE IT IS!

I'm hoping I can use it on all kinds of fun league things, like stationary, pens, coozies...you know, that kinda stuff.

I was so excited when this logo came out. I think it's hilarious, and just about perfectly captures the essence of our muse, Mr. Simms, and our league.

I'll be infusing the logo into the league history spreadsheet, and hopefully onto the background of this blog. And some other places too, I hope.

Also working on codifying our rules into one easy-to-read document. That will be coming down the pipe soon.

And let's think about when we're getting together for the Draft Order Determination Event (or DODE). Probably best to do it soon, maybe even before the end of the summer?

The One Where The Commish Procrastinated

So here's a blog post that's been waiting to be posted. And waiting.

And waiting.

<clock ticking...>

We met, oh, about 6 months ago (it seems) for our End of Season: The Gathering and discussed some rules changes and some other fun things. Here's the adjustments to the rules we agreed upon:

1. We agreed to return to the way we formerly named "The Worst," that being the loser of the Loser Bowl.
2. An IR spot will be added, with the understanding that the spot will only be used for players who are on IR, even if the ESPN rules allow for other uses.
3. We modified our keeper rule. Effective with the 2018 Draft, each player will only be allowed to be declared a keeper in two consecutive years (players who have been kept multiple years up to now don't matter; their clock resets). We will continue with our round penalty. We also added a provision that once a keeper would be kept in Round 0, he can no longer be kept.

The Commish also informed the owners of the following:

• there will be an adjustment to the schedule for 2018. Basically, if you played a team twice this year, you'll only play them once next year, and vice versa.
• A trade deadline is now formally in place (in prior years, The Commish had full veto power). Saturday at 11:59pm Eastern time, leading up to Week 13. In 2018, it appears that will be December 1, 2018.

I believe these are the only adjustments to the league this year. I love the minor adjustments that hopefully will continue to make our league a little more interesting as the season goes on.

In the offseason, let's continue to use the GroupMe. I think it's a great way to stay in touch. We should also consider getting together sometime to play some actual football, because I think it would be fun. And not at all dangerous.

And we'll try to have a Draft Order Determination Event, perhaps in the late Spring. And then the draft, probably the final weekend in August, since we probably won't want to draft on Labor Day Weekend? All this is up in the air, but keep it in mind. I would LOVE to have a 100% in-person draft this year (no more boat-drafters).

We won't be putting together a Smarter Than Tim McCarver Fantasy Baseball League any time soon, since very few of you seem interested in fantasy baseball. (Which is totally fine. I agree to join a league a few weeks ago, and I'm already regretting it, and we haven't even drafted yet.) So we'll stick with our own fantasy football things.

Anyone got any ideas to make the actual NFL draft fun? Pete? I feel like this is right up your alley.

Also Pete: where's my money from our playoff pool? If memory serves, I had the Eagles, who won the Super Bowl. And I've got some charities that are anxiously awaiting my prize money.

The Champ is HERE!

Congratulations to The Jeff Fisher Effect for going against its namesake's legacy, and winning his first Smarter Than Phil Simms Fantasy Football Championship.

Todd Gurley. That's pretty much all you have to say. He scored 46 points this week (and 90.5 in the playoffs) to lead the Effect to the title. And there wasn't much doubt (despite what the GroupMe chat might have lead you to believe). The triumvirate of Gurley, Melvin Gordon and Kareem Hunt was monstrous in these two playoff weeks. The Effect becomes the first team to break 300 points in the playoffs.

Grim Reaper didn't stand much of a chance this week; his players simply didn't show up. After a huge week in the first round of the playoffs, he couldn't break 100 points in the finals. That's fantasy football; some weeks your players go crazy, and some weeks your players do nothing.

And also, for the first time in league history, our bottom seed going into the Loser Bowl won BOTH of his games in the Loser Bowl, moving Boobies (heh) up to what is technically a 7th place finish. He scored the most points of any team in the Loser Bowl (206) and more points than the #1 seed going into the playoffs (Hooper's Heroes scored 177 in his two contests). Perhaps he didn't deserve the title of The Worst after all...

Final standings (final record in parentheses)

1. The Jeff Fisher Effect (10-6)
2. Grim Reaper (8-8)
3. Pedro Pickles (10-6)
4. Hooper's Heroes (9-7)
5. Scrote Squad (9-7)
6. Team Provost (7-9)
7. Released Dix On Boobies (7-9)
8. Jameis Winston Zeddemore (7-9)
9. Outta Luck (8-8)
10. Iron Ryan (5-11)

The final standings don't mean much, but it's interesting to see. Despite our #9 team having a better record than the 3 teams ahead of him, he scored fewer points than 2 of them (though he beat Boobies (heh) head to head on the season). Iron Ryan finished 5-11 so... yep. Finishing 10th makes sense.

There will be more highlights, lowlights and analysis at our upcoming End of Season: The Gathering. Recall this event will take place at the Rumbleseat in Chicopee on January 6 (you probably received a Google Calendar invite from your Commish). I hope all owners on the East Coast can attend for some fun and frivolity. And a couple fun surprises.

I also have to say thanks for making the season fun. I've recently started reading the r/ffcommish subreddit, and man, some of those guys have some shitty leaguemates: guys who don't pay, guys who abuse the rules. I'm happy we have a league where that doesn't really happen, and where we all respect each other (most of the time). I'm grateful that you guys don't make this league any more stressful than it has to be (which isn't much because c'mon...it's fantasy football!)

See you guys in a week, and Merry Christmas!

-The Commish

Playoffs, Round 1, or The Tale of Two Blowouts

For the third straight year, the top seed won’t be around for the finals, as Grim Reaper got just about all he could get from his team, and toppled the mighty Hooper’s Heroes. Because of the dominance of Reaper’s squad, Antonio Brown’s calf injury made only a small difference in this matchup. Despite his 138 points, Reaper only had one guy who topped 20 points. But aside from Carlos Hyde and his kicker, everyone was in double digits, making for a very tough team to beat.

In fact, the only team that even had a shot to beat that this week was The Jeff Fisher Effect. Holy cow. Melvin Gordon and Kareem Hunt combined for 61.5 points on Saturday night, and then Todd Gurley was all like “Hold my beer,” and dropped 4 TDs on the Seahawks defense, and Pedro Pickles never had a shot. The Effect’s 173 were the second highest total in the league this year.

So we’ve got two teams who just put up their highest season point totals in round 1 of the playoffs set to meet for the title. So what’s going to happen? Obviously, we’re going to have a finals matchup where neither team breaks 100 points.

So, Kyle: just kickers or….

In our consolation bracket, Team Provost made his case that he should have been a playoff team, scoring more points that two of the playoff teams, while the rest of the consolation teams had lackluster weeks. Only one other broke 100, and one got almost one-third of his point total from his kicker (thank you, Robbie Gould and Outta Luck).

So it’s Scrote Squad and Team Provost for the Loser Bowl title. Rumor is that Ezekiel Elliott bet Eric Dickerson that he was going to run for 200 yards in his first game back. So if that happens, I don’t know how Provost loses (provided he plays Zeke, I guess).

Week 14, or the Regular Season Goes The Way of Rudolph...Down In History

The regular season has come to an end and we’ve got two firsts. Congratulations to Grim Reaper, who will make his first ever playoff appearance, and congrats (?) to Released Dix On Boobies, who becomes the first franchise in league history with multiple The Worst titles.

Grim Reaper’s week got off to a rough start when Alvin Kamara left the Thursday night game during the Saints first possession. But he got enormous weeks from Michael Thomas and DeAndre Hopkins, which clinched the win and his playoff berth

Reaper had to win to make the playoffs, but if Scrote Squad was able to win, he’d have owned the spot. Instead, he put up the third 48 point week in the league this year (Boobies (heh) and Iron Ryan), in a week where he absolutely needed a victory. In the final two weeks, when wins were almost required for Scrote, he put up 75.5 and 48 points. Those are incredible numbers for a team that had a shot at a playoff spot.

Four teams finished the season 7-7, but Reaper had the most points, giving him the playoff nod. His advantage ended as exactly 100 points over Scrote. Luckless and Zeddemore did everything they could, putting up the second and third highest point totals of the week. But they had too big a hole to climb out of.

There was also a shakeup at the top. Pedro Pickles couldn’t beat Team Provost (who probably deserved to finish better than 6-8, as he actually finished with more points than Reaper) which dropped him to the #2 seed, after Hooper’s Heroes put up another money-winning week in his victory over The Jeff Fisher Effect.

But honestly, I’m burying the lede here (and yes, that is the proper spelling). We have our first two-time The Worst. Our two serious contenders, Iron Ryan and Boobies (heh), both lost this week, so it came down to the points. They wound up separated by only 28.5 points over the season, and are the only two who failed to eclipse 1200 fantasy points on the year.

Playoff Preview

Hooper’s Heroes will face off against Grim Reaper, while The Jeff Fisher Effect will face off against Pedro Pickles. I’d like to point out that the top seed is 1-2 all-time in the semifinals. Heroes has that Big Ben/AB stack I can’t shut up about, but that’s because they have basically carried him the last few weeks. That stack faces off against the Patriots this week, so I don’t really know what that means. The Effect is going to hope that last week’s Kareem Hunt re-breakout wasn’t a fluke, and hope he can ride that to a championship. Honestly, it really seems there is no clear cut favorite this year. Any of these teams has a chance to win.

Loser Bowl Preview

I’d like to propose the following: Since The Worst has already been crowned, the loser of the Loser Bowl becomes the owner on the hook to provide the extra $5 in scratch tickets to the winner of the Loser Bowl. It keeps our Loser Bowl incentivized, since Crobi already knows he’ll be wearing the T-shirt again.

Eligible to win those extra tickets are Scrote, Zeddemore, Luckless and Provost (the 5-8 seeds). Scrote and Zeddemore won’t have to provide the extras (because of the way our Loser Bowl bracket is set up) but they will certainly want to win them. I’m gonna say Provost is the “favorite” here for two reasons: 1) he’s got the most points of the group by far, and 2) he’s got Zeke coming back in Week 16 (granted, he has to win in Week 15 against a guy who just put up his biggest week of the season for that to matter).

Money Winner

Hooper’s Heroes topped the league scoring this week, his fourth time this season.

The Playoffs start on Thursday night, and continue on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. (Well done, NFL). Good luck to you all!

Except Pete.

Week 13, or Clinching and Worst-ing

With their wins this week, Pickles, The Heroes and The Effect clinched playoff spots. And the race for the last spot exists, but how many teams have a realistic shot? Read on, dear friends!

Pedro Pickles (113) vs. Grim Reaper (112.5)

Another week, a THIRD (yes, THIRD) half-point loss for The Reaper. I mean, if Lev Bell’s Monday night TD is a rushing one instead, we’re not having this conversation. Really bad break for Reaper. The victory means Pickles has officially clinched a playoff spot. We’ll talk about the overall playoff picture later.

Released Dix On Boobies (89) vs. Iron Ryan (74.5)

This loss officially eliminates Iron Ryan from playoff contention (it was a long shot anyway). The loss sets up an interesting 3-way tie for the worst record in the league right now. I’ll talk about that later, too.

Team Provost (106.5) vs. Outta Luck (69.5)

This loss means Outta Luck is basically just that for a playoff spot, his valiant attempt at respectability hampered by underperforming players and waiver wire dreck. There's a shot, but an outside one. Like, "in the parking lot" outside.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (151) vs. Scrote Squad (75.5)

Well, after all the last 6 weeks of losing, The Effect busted out in a big way. In the interesting stat department, The Effect won both matchups against Scrote this season by a combined score of 297.5-132: the Effect’s two highest scores of the year came against Scrote. Scrote is still in the driver's seat for a playoff berth, however (read more later).

Hooper’s Heroes (122) vs. Jameis Winston Zeddemore (90.5)

The Heroes dominating win clinched him a playoff spot, and dealt a blow to Zeddemore’s chances. Big blow. Almost hurricane force.

The Playoff Picture

We know who our top 3 seeds are: Pickles, The Heroes and The Effect. They won’t necessarily be in that order; they really could be in any order, and it’s very unlikely that one of these teams becomes the #4 seeds. There’s a possibility the The Heroes and The Effect, who face off in Week 14, do so again in the first week of the playoffs (which historically would be good for The Heroes, who owns a lifetime 6-1 record against The Effect, though The Effect won their first meeting this season).

If Pickles wins, he’s the 1, and The Heroes and The Effect fight it out for number 2. If Pickles loses, the 1 seed likely goes to the winner of Heroes/Effect, who would probably have more points, and would have the same record.

The really interesting matchup is for the 4 seed. Theoretically, four teams are within a game of that spot: Scrote (currently holding onto that 4 seed), Reaper, Zeddemore and Outta Luck. There are basically two realistic scenarios:

Scenario #1: Scrote beats Luckless this week: he’s in.

Scenario #2: Scrote loses to Luckless, and Reaper defeats Boobies (heh): Reaper probably gets in, having the same record, and probably more points for (currently, Reaper has a 34.5 point advantage).

Scenario #3: If Scrote loses and Reaper loses, the possibility exists for Zeddemore and Luckless to get in. Here’s the point totals:

Reaper: 1280.5

Scrote: 1246 (-34.5)

Zeddemore: 1158 (-112.5)

Outta Luck: 1126.5 (154)

So, basically, for Zeddemore or Luckless to get in (if both Reaper and Scrote lose), they need to win AND make up the point difference between them and Scrote (Reaper would be out by record). Zeddemore would need to outscore Scrote by 78 points. Luckless would need to make up 119.5 points (a point total that has been topped only 17 times, or 13% of the time, this year).

Who’s Gonna Be The Worst?

There are more teams in the running to be this year’s The Worst than there are to make the playoffs right now. Provost, Iron Ryan and Boobies (heh) are the obvious favorites, given they have the worst records. A loss for any (or all) of them would give them the worst record in the league, and The Worst would come down to points; Boobies (heh) has the fewest, 18 fewer than Iron Ryan. Provost has a major advantage here, having scored the 4th MOST points in the league, and would really only end up the Worst if he loses, and Iron and Boobies (heh) win. In theory, all of the 6-7 teams (Luckless, Zeddemore, Reaper) could also end up as The Worst. It could all come down to points. And a little bit of (bad) luck.

A total of 55 points separate Zeddemore, Luckless, Iron Ryan and Boobies (heh), the obvious “contenders.”

There are WAY too many scenarios to list, but suffice it to say, it’s possible to have our first repeat The Worst. It’s also possible to have our Champ who became The Worst.

Sunday will be interesting!

Week 12, or The Playoff Picture is Underexposed

We had one more team eliminated from the playoffs this week, and a new first place team. These next two weeks are going to be interesting, as we have a race for the top AND for the bottom.

Iron Ryan (101.5) vs. Team Provost (74.5)

Provost is our second team eliminated from playoff contention. and Iron Ryan kept his slim hopes alive. Zach Ertz scored 22 of Provost’s 74.5 points, and that’s not a winning recipe (I also find it funny that his RBs are McCoy and McKinnon, and NEITHER of them is probably even a little bit Irish). Provost would have won if he’d used Davante Adams and Robby Anderson instead of the other Devante (Parker) and DeSean Jackson. Just how razor thin Iron Ryan’s hopes are is outlined a little later, but if he keeps having days like this, he’ll at least win his matchups and give himself a chance.

Pedro Pickles (116.5) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (86)

The Jeff Fisher Effect is no longer just a team name: it’s a state of mind. Or perhaps it should be called the Andy Reid Effect, given the reliance on Chiefs players. Kareem Hunt has disappeared, Alex Smith has returned to form, and The Effect just isn’t getting the production he was getting through the first 7 weeks. And he’s making shitty lineup decisions, leaving Tevin Coleman on the bench, and dropping the Chargers D before the Thanksgiving game. Pickles, meanwhile, got a second straight blowup week from Keenan Allen (in his lineup this time) en route to the victory.

Grim Reaper (103.5) vs. Jameis Winston Zeddemore (102)

Reaper put it out in the email thread on Monday afternoon: he needed 16+ (technically 15.5) from DeAndre Hopkins to win. And he got 16.5 from D-Hop. If you watched the game, tt was pretty obvious the Ravens couldn’t cover Hopkins when you saw the giant rip in his jersey. He was a beast. Speaking of beasts: Alvin Kamara is one also (35 points). Zeddemore’s total looks somewhat impressive, until you consider that 47 of those 102 points were from Julio Jones. I don’t want to brush that number under the rug though: it might very well be the highest single week point total by a starter in league history.

Released Dix On Boobies (97.5) vs. Scrote Squad (91)

Boobies (heh) victory was a big one for the teams fighting for a playoff spot (except, of course, Scrote Squad) and a big one in terms of crowning The Worst (more on that later). Scrote’s players just didn’t show up this week, ending his 3-game winning streak, and keeping more hope alive for the lower seeds. Those teams owe Boobies (heh) a motorboat of gratitude (and no, that’s not where Provost drafted this year).

Hooper’s Heroes (158) vs. Outta Luck (92.5)

Good God, Big Ben and AB. I’m gonna say this: Heroes is bleeping scary with the Steelers offense playing this way. After combining for 64 last week, BB and AB scored 67 together this week. Luckless put up a reasonable score, but there’s nothing you can do when a team posts the two highest scores in the league in back to back weeks. And despite having scored the second-fewest points in the league, Luckless is in the hunt to sneak into the playoffs yet again.

Complicated Playoff Commentary

So here’s a breakdown of the standings, and points scored, and the remaining schedule (the * means currently in a playoff spot):

*Pedro Pickles 8-4 (1229.5)(Reaper, Provost)

*Hooper’s Heroes 7-5 (1323)(Zeddemore, Effect)

*Jeff Fisher Effect 7-5 (1283.5)(Scrote, Heroes)

*Scrote Squad 7-5 (1170.5)(Effect, Luckless)

Outta Luck 6-6 (1057)(Provost, Scrote)

Jameis Winston Zeddemore 6-6 (1067.5)(Heroes, Iron Ryan)

Grim Reaper 6-6 (1168)(Pickles, Boobies(heh))

Iron Ryan 5-7 (957)(Boobies (heh), Zeddemore)

Team Provost 4-8 (1187)(Luckless, Pickles)

Released Dix On Boobies 4-8 (1014.5)(Iron Ryan, Reaper)

Pickles is the only guy who has virtually locked up a playoff spot with two games to go. In theory, he could miss the playoffs, but he’d have to lose out, and get overtaken in points, most likely by Grim Reaper, who is 61.5 points behind. That matchup against Reaper this week for him is a big one: Win and he’s in for sure.

Hooper’s Heroes has the most points, and is coming off a run of 339.5 points in the last two weeks. (Add up the three highest scores of his week 13 opponent, Zeddemore, and you only get a total of 328.5.) He’s worked the wire and kept himself in the race, and if there’s any owner who looks like he’s a sure thing to make the playoffs, it’s The Heroes.

You’d think you could have said the same thing for The Jeff Fisher Effect through the first 7 weeks of the season. He has looked positively flaccid in the last 5 weeks. He’s second in the points race, and probably has the hardest schedule to finish out the season, facing Heroes and Scrote. There’s a possibility he misses the playoffs, though his point total should be an advantage.

Scrote Squad could be in the most trouble of the current playoff teams. His team lacks for a lot (see his appeal for RBs a week ago), and he’s facing another 7-5 team this week in what basically amounts to a must win for both. He only has a two point lead on Grim Reaper right now, so it may come down to points.

Grim Reaper seems to have the best shot, simply because of the highest point total of the current 6-6 teams. He’s got to get past the current top-seed in Pickles this week for that to matter much, but he’d own the tiebreaker if he matches records with any of the current 6-6 teams. And he’s only 2.5 points behind Scrote.

Zeddemore matches up against The Heroes this week, needing to win to keep pace. A loss this week, coupled with a Luckless win over Provost, and Reaper win over Pickles puts him behind the 8 ball.

Outta Luck may be just that. He needs to win out and get some help. He’ll need to finish with a better record than the next lowest team, because his point total is tiny. If he wins this week, and Scrote loses, that Week 14 matchup between them could be for a playoff spot. At worst, he he needs Reaper to lose out, he needs Scrote to lose out, and needs to outscore Zeddemore by 11 or more over the final two weeks (if Zeddemore also wins out).

How does Iron Ryan make the playoffs? Simple. He needs to win out (and finish 7-7), Scrote to lose out (and end up 7-7),

TL; DR - there’s a LOT of football still to be played, and a lot of different scenarios that could play out. All the teams with a shot at the playoffs are hoping for a win this week to just make their lives easier. So a quickie….

Preview of Week 13

Pickles vs. Reaper: Pickles wins and he’s clinched a spot.

The Heroes vs. Zeddemore: another high scoring week for Heroes (and a win) would basically lock up his playoff spot too. Zeddemore needs a win to keep pace with the pack for the last spot.

The Effect vs. Scrote Squad: the game that means the most to both teams. The winner will control his own destiny for a playoff spot, the loser may be on the outside looking in.

Outta Luck vs. Provost: Luckless wants to win to keep pace. Provost wants to win to avoid being the first person to end up as both a Champ and The Worst.

Iron Ryan vs. Boobies (heh): Iron needs too much help to make the playoffs and Boobies (heh) just wants to not be The Worst. Again. For the second time.

I hope Week 13 isn’t unlucky for you.

Oh, who am I kidding: of course I do. I want to win, goddammit. To hell with you all!