Playoffs - Round 2, or A New Champ Is Crowned

Congratulations to Death Valley Driver on his first STPS Championship!

I gave him shit all year for getting lucky and winning so many games with scores under 100 points. But when it mattered, Death Valley Driver put up big weeks, and rolled to his first title. DeAndre Hopkins was huge for him twice, as was Derrick freaking Henry, and neither opponent was able to put up much of a fight. Fantasy football is weird sometimes. Find the right guys at the right time, and you can win. He's the fifth different champion in the league's five-year history.

Here are the final standings according to ESPN, final record in parentheses:

1. Death Valley Driver (11-5)
2. The Jeff Fisher Effect (8-8)
3. Hardcore Sacks (11-4-1)
4. Dancin' Dennis Nedry (9-6-1)
5. Scrote Squad (7-9)
6. Panic Time Squad (7-8-1)
7. Iron Ryan (7-8-1)
8. Released Dix On Boobies (5-11)
9. Pedro Pickles (7-9)
10. Team Provost (5-11)

Team Provost becomes the first owner to win both a Championship AND be The Worst.

Couple Other Random Tidbits

Scrote Squad is the winner of the extra 5 bucks in scratch tickets for the 2019 Draft.

Pedro Pickles had 81 points scored against him in both weeks of the regular season; his scores in those weeks were separated by 107 points (52.5 in Week 15, 159.5 in Week 16).

End of Season: The Gathering

There will be more fun, frivolity and random stats at our End of Season: The Gathering coming up on January 6. Let's meet at the RumbleSeat again, as it appears to be the unofficial STPS Bar, unless anyone has any other ideas. (Perhaps the Birthday Boy could suggest a location?) Think about any possible rule changes you'd like to propose. I don't think there's much we can do to make the league better, but let me know what you think.

Thanks for a great season. I'm happy to have such engaged league mates, and am lucky to have a group of guys I enjoy participating in this silly hobby with!

See you on the 6th!

Playoffs - Round 1, or "This Is It, Don't Get Scared Now"

What a weird week! So incredibly low scoring (with one exception). But the NFL had a weird week too. Such is real life, sports, real-life sports and fantasy sports.

Recaps? Ok, sure.

Jeff Fisher Effect holds off Hardcore Sacks, advances to second straight title game

A combination of bad luck and shrewd managing allowed Fisher Effect a chance to defend his title. Joe Mixon went off for 26 points (the most in this matchup). Melvin Gordon’s replacement Justin Jackson managed a TD, which kept Fisher’s head above water on Thursday. And then came Sunday, an injury to Aaron Jones, and Eric Ebron showing his true colors with his stone hands and Hardcore was done. Shitty way to go out  and have your season come crashing down.

 Death Valley Driver emerges from slumber, overwhelms Dancin’ Dennis Nedry

For all the joking and trash talk I’ve given this year for getting lucky, this wasn’t really luck. His team was nuts, and he played the hot hand against his own team’s terrible defense (Derrick Henry). Dancin’ Dennis was behind the 8-ball early, when Tyreek Hill put up a stinker on Thursday, got worse when Lamar Miller got injured on the Texans first series on Saturday, and was topped off by JuJu playing in a game that didn’t turn out to be a shootout.  Here's a graphic representation of how Dancin' Dennis felt during the weekend:

It was some bad luck for DDN, but he still would have beaten every team in the consolation bracket (not that it’s any consolation for the the league’s second leading scorer).

Because OH! The consolation bracket, or what I’ve been referring to as the Garbage Bowl. What a dumpster fire. 

It’s not really a chastisement of their teams, but helps illustrate how weird and low-scoring the week was for fantasy football, and the NFL on the whole (little bit more on that later).

Panic Time Squad wins low scoring affair over Iron Ryan, 64.5-61

Remember last week when both these teams were challenging for a playoff spot? Gus Edwards and Julio Jones led the scoring for Iron Ryan, who also got nothing from his TE spot and less than nothing from his kicker spot. Panic Time stays in the running for the extra $5 in scratch tickets, thanks to a few more points from Julian Edelman and Big Ben. Combined, these two wouldn't have beaten Death Valley Driver.

Scrote Squad topples Pedro Pickles, 83-52.5

Once Pickles didn’t play Damien Williams on Thursday night, and LeSean McCoy was ruled out on Sunday, he was forced to roll with Chris Thompson. And that’s never a good thing. With Patrick Mahomes putting up a pedestrian score (for him), Pickles was destined to struggle. Not that Scrote’s guys played much better, aside from Christian McCaffrey.

Released Dix On Boobies dodges his second straight Garbage Bowl “title”, defeats Team Provost, 80.5-48.5

This is almost the biggest weird one of the week. Provost has ridden Zeke and Saquon all year: no one has more points from the RB slot. But this week? Neither of those guys could do a darn thing. His lack of depth (or really any good, consistent players outside those two RBs) really showed in this one. On the Boobies (heh) side, Russell Wilson and the Vikings D scored 15 points, his two WRs scored 11.5 each, but then the rest was underwhelming. Or maybe just whelming, given the overall scores this week.

Man, oh, man. Thanks to Kevin's Home Alone GIF suggestion, I'm not considering re-naming the "Garbage Bowl" (which I guess I just named?) the "Les Incompetents Bowl." Thoughts? Anyway....moving on!

Title Game Preview

It’s The Jeff Fisher Effect vs. Death Valley Driver in a rematch of last year’s Championship game. DVD is hoping it goes the other way this year. He’ll need another big game from DeAndre Hopkins and Derrick Henry to make it happen. Fisher Effect is hoping Melvin Gordon returns from injury to have a shot.

Garbage Bowl Preview

It’s Pickles vs. Provost here, and imagine they put up scores like they did this past week? They barely combined for 100 this week. If Provost gets his usual from Zeke and Saquon, he’ll be tough to beat. If Pickles get his usual from Mahomes...same thing.

The Week of Futility

Our 10 teams combined to score 791.5 this week. Our second lowest scoring week this year was last week: we scored 1025 points, a difference of 231.5 points. Trey Wingo talked about a good reason for the low fantasy scores in a tweet on Monday:

So just how low scoring was this week in STPS? Well, the 793.5 points was a number we surpassed 4 times in 2014. For clarity's sake, in 2014, we did not give the half-point per reception. Oh…and we only had 8 teams.

Our previous low week was Week 1 of last year, when we managed only 802.5 points. But that was Week 1, and it wasn’t a major deal; we all had the entire season ahead of us.

The thing that gets me about this week is just how much lower it was than EVERY other weeek we've had this year. Such a weird statistical anomaly of a week.

Also, on any other week that wasn't the playoffs, there would have been much more attention drawn to the incredibly low scores of Pedro Pickles and Team Provost, both in the bottom 10 all-time. So....

(I hadn't seen this movie enough times to notice the van was a Dodge in this scene. Classic humor.) 

End of Season: The Gathering

Just a reminder, we decided on January 6^th for our year-end fiesta. Shall we do Rumbleseat again? Or perhaps we should wait to decide on venue when we know if the Patriots or Cowboys might be playing that weekend?

I gather you'll hear from me again before the holiday, but if not...

Week 14, or The Tie Heard 'Round the League

Generally, when I work overnights on the weekend (as I did this past weekend), I spend some time on Sunday night, after the Sunday Night Football game, getting a headstart on the Notes for the week. So I woke up this morning, came downstairs, poured my coffee and checked the scoreboard. My jaw dropped when I saw the Iron Ryan vs. Panic Time Squad score. Nope, hadn’t thought of THAT possibility. And so, I had to re-write some portions. That’s what I get for trying to get ahead. Anyway…

RECAPS!

The Jeff Fisher Effect holds on, clinches final playoff spot with win over Hardcore Sacks, 121-118.5

George Kittle brought the heat in this one, dropping 33.5 points to lead The Effect to victory. A multitude of double-digit scorers like Nick Chubb and Aaron Jones (among others) for Hardcore kept the game close. So close, in fact, that had Greg The Leg made the 40 yard field goal he missed in the 4th quarter on Sunday night, the outcome of this game would have flipped. (Sorry, Tim, I’m sure you didn’t want to hear that.) These two will face-off again next week in the Semifinal Round.

Death Valley Driver eliminates Pedro Pickles, 89-85

Eighty-nine points is all it took to end Pedro Pickles playoff possibilities. It was DVD’s fifth win while scoring less than 100 points this season, which ties a league record (more on that later). Pickles got bit by injuries to LeSean McCoy (who missed most of his game) and any useful player on his bench. And his starters just didn’t produce. It’s a bitter pill for Pickles, who probably deserved to be in the playoffs. Meanwhile, DVD moves on to be a presumed punching bag in the playoffs.

Iron Ryan and Panic Time Squad take 10 paces, draw, and both die, 100.5-100.5

Each of these teams needed to win and get some help to make the playoffs. It never occurred to me, but a tie would have also worked, had Fisher Effect not managed a win. Iron Ryan put up his usual un-high score. His 100.5 was more than his weekly average this year, though more than half his points came from Tom Brady (24 points) and Julio Jones (27).  The Emmanuel Sanders mid-week injury put a dent in his chances. PTSd continued to get bitten by his mediocre RB situation. He started Doug Martin (9 points) and some guy named Jeff Wilson (9.5 points), while leaving Spencer Ware and Kenyan Drake (both scored 14.5) on his bench. Big Ben’s mid-game injury hurt him here. And then, Adam Thielen came in to rescue him on Monday night. Unfortunately for both these teams, it didn’t matter after The Effect won his game. But the tie makes the Garbage Bowl more interesting than I thought.

Team Provost blasts Released Dix On Boobies, 127-83

Amari Cooper led Provost to the victory and this week’s Tidwell with a second blow-up performance in three weeks. Saquon and Zeke weren’t too bad either. Too bad for Provost (and maybe good for the rest of us), he isn’t in the playoffs. Boobies was dealt the rough hand of losing James Conner to injury this week and Kareem Hunt to stupidity last week, and his RBs just couldn’t recover. To make matters worse, his keeper Derrick Henry) who he’d long since given up on scored 51 points on Thursday night. To make those bad matters even just a little bit worse, the RB he picked up to use (Isaiah Crowell) missed most of his game with injury.

Dancin’ Dennis Nedry taps Scrote Squad, 114.5-86

Todd Gurley is the #2 player in our fantasy league this year. He had a bad game and DDN still had the fire power to win. JuJu Smith-Schuster picked up the slack, and Tyreek Hill was his usual self. It also doesn’t hurt that Scrote Squad started two other members of the Rams offense that could do basically nothing against the Bears D on Sunday night. Jared Goff’s goose egg really put a damper on Scrote’s chances in this one. The game really only mattered for seeding in the Loser’s Bracket.

Playoff Preview

Hardcore Sacks and the Jeff Fisher Effect will face off again this week. It doesn’t really look promising for Fisher Effect to be able to beat Hardcore two weeks in a row. I just don’t see it happening. And it will be exponentially harder if Melvin Gordon isn’t back from injury.

Dancin’ Dennis gets Death Valley Driver, which one would assume will be a win for Dancin’ Dennis; his team really is better. But imagine a world where DVD pulls off another sub-100 point win and sneaks into the Finals.

Thanks to that missed field goal, we now have a 75 percent chance of our first two-time champion. I'm guessing each of these guys wants it pretty badly.

Garbage Bowl Preview

Panic Time and Iron Ryan will do battle again in the first round, thanks to their tie. Thanks to their tie, neither of these teams will be in the running to be The Worst.

It’s bad luck for Pedro Pickles that he winds up here, because he’s in the running for the Worst, the week immediately following a shot at the playoffs. Plus, he’s the #4 scorer in our league, but has the potential to end up as The Worst. And he’s got the tall task of going up against Scrote Squad, who deserved better than he got this year.

Based on his last two weeks, it’s also sort of bad luck that Provost is even one of the bottom two seeds. But I guess someone has to be, right? I say "sort of" because Amari Cooper has gone for over 30 points, or under 10. Otherwise, his team hasn't been great, aside from those RBs. Boobies (heh) is really hoping that James Conner comes back this week to have a shot, or he seems destined to be headed to his third ever The Worst Bowl.

I never would have thought I needed to throw this in there, but because of The Tie, I should mention the playoff tiebreaker listed in our constitution: ties are broken by the most bench points.

How big was that Greg Zuerlein miss to our playoff picture? If he makes that kick, Hardcore beats The Effect. Which would have meant Panic Time would have made the playoffs because he has more points than Iron Ryan. Iron Ryan would be playing The Effect with a leg up on the extra $5 in scratchers for next year's draft. 

Shake Your Money Maker

As previously mentioned (but I started this portion of the notes, so I can’t not do it), Team Provost is this week’s Tidwell Award winner. With this win, 4 of the 6 non-playoff teams have more Tidwell Awards than the #4 seed this year, The Jeff Fisher Effect.

Winning while scoring less than 100 points

I also mentioned earlier that Death Valley Driver won his fifth game this year with a score of less than 100 points. Three other teams have accomplished the same feat during the 14 weeks of the regular season: Boobies (heh) in both 2016 AND 2017, and Hardcore in 2017.

The interesting part here is: Boobies (heh) went a total of 9-14 in games where he scored less than 100 over those two years; Hardcore was 5-7 last year. None of these teams made the playoffs. Their winning percentage in these games is .400. Good batting average, not a good winning percentage.

Death Valley Driver failed to top the 100-point mark 7 times this year: he is 5-2 in those games, good for a .714 winning percentage. It’s a little bit fluky. But hey, that’s fantasy football.

I don’t have an overall winning percentage for the league in games we score under 100. Yet. I promise to bring that to our End of Season: The Gathering.

End of Season: The Gathering

Speaking of which, when should we have it this year? I tossed out January 5-6 in the GroupMe, but not much in the way of response. I like the idea of it being that weekend: there will be a game on, and we can also do our usual fun and frivolity. Would the Sunday be better for people, if we do 1:00 in the afternoon?

Week 13, or One More Week Til The Playoffs

I was damn near prophetic last week when mentioning the number of 6-7 teams we could have. We came up one short of my mentioned number, and we have a new holder of the 4th and final playoff spot.

Jeff Fisher Effect escapes vs. Panic Time Squad, 108-107

Well, this was a heckuva matchup. JFE had all but 1 of his players go in the 1:00 games, and his final player go in the 4:25 time slot. His 108 was there, ready to be aimed at all afternoon. And Panic Time just missed it. In a game that was remarkably balanced (each had one “exploding” player in Philip Lindsay for JFE and Travis Kelce for PTSd), JFE squeaked it out in the end. If the Steelers hadn’t been offside THREE TIMES on the final FG attempt Sunday night, Big Ben might have scored another point and we’d be having a different conversation.

Death Valley Driver squeaks by Released Dix On Boobies, 92-89.5

In another squeaker of a matchup, Boobies (heh) basically wishes he hadn’t played a defense. The VIkings defense lost him 3 points; If he doesn’t play a defense, this game ends 92.5-92. Ouch. DVD clinches a playoff spot, but he’s limping toward the playoffs with 4 sub-100 point scores in his last 5 games. Boobies (heh) is eliminated, thanks in no small part to Kareem Hunt and his stupidity.

Hardcore Sacks smashes Iron Ryan, 115-74.5

He didn’t eliminate him, but Hardcore made it very difficult for Iron Ryan to make the playoffs (more on that later). I.R. showed that without Leonard Fournette he doesn’t have much, especially if Julio Jones can’t do anything. Hardcore had a mediocre (for him) week, but he’s cemented his standing as the #1 seed.

Pedro Pickles topples Dancin’ Dennis Nedry, 129-84

Whoa, Nedry! Dancin’ Dennis disappeared this week, posting his lowest score of the year. Todd Gurley was his lone bright spot, scoring 30.5 of his 84 points. He’ll probably be fine for the playoffs (I mean, he’s the second highest scoring team in the league, so we know what he’s capable of) but, speaking from experience, it doesn’t feel great when you put up a stinker of a week this close to the playoffs. No one will feel sorry for him, least of all Pedro Pickles, who won his first Tidwell Award, and is currently sitting as the 4 seed. Patrick Mahomes and Keenan Allen are a major reason. And Zach Ertz certainly hasn’t hurt.

Scrote Squad holds off Team Provost, 118.5-116

Scrote Squad really deserves to be in the conversation for the playoffs, especially with Christian McCaffrey running all over everyone this year. Provost basically has two good players in Saquon and Zeke, and has to hope someone else pops. This week, it was Golden Tate, who happened to be in his lineup. Even though Chris Godwin wasn’t.

How Week 14 Breaks Down

There are 4 teams with a shot at the 4th seed. In no particular order: Iron Ryan, Pedro Pickles, The Jeff Fisher Effect, and Panic Time Squad.

Iron Ryan and Panic Time Squad square off against each other. Loser is out. Winner keeps his hopes alive. Sort of. Here’s the point breakdown for these 4 teams:

Pedro Pickles - 1438.5

Fisher Effect - 1436.5

Panic Time - 1404.5

Iron Ryan - 1235.5

For Iron Ryan to get in, he’s going to have to win, and hope Pickles and The Effect lose. There’s no way he makes up the 200 point gap in points scored.

Panic Time can get in with a win and losses by both Pickles and The Effect. OR, he can win AND make up the point difference (32-34-ish points). Doable, but seemingly unlikely.

If either The Effect OR Pickles win, The Effect and Pickles both win, it’s going to come down to whichever one of them scores more points. The Effect needs to score 2.5 more points than Pickles to make the playoffs. But basically, if either The Effect or Pickles wins, but the other doesn’t, they likely get in.

Money Time!

Pedro Pickles topped the scoring this week, winning his first ever Tidwell Award. His 129 points was his second highest output on the year. His highest weekly total (137) came in Week 6, and was actually only the THIRD highest total that week.

Thursday Night Game

It’s Jacksonville and Tennessee on Thursday night this week. Which means...no one cares. We seem to get this particular Thursday night matchup every year, and it always seems to disappoint. At least this year we won’t have to deal with this:

And we also won’t have to deal with those disgusting colored jerseys.

Commish out!

Week 12, or Craziness Continues

Last week in this space, I wrote about the 5-6 teams and how Week 12 would be make-or-break for them. And then, three of them lost. But thanks to a well-placed victory by a team that before this week seemed deep in the running for The Worst, all three still got a shot to seize the final spot.

So, let’s recap this bitch.

Iron Ryan rocks Jeff Fisher Effect, 123.5-105

Leonard Fournette carried I.R. this week, giving Iron Ryan the only victory among the 5-6 teams. Fisher Effect was victimized by low scoring weeks from his WRs. JFE is in trouble, especially after losing Melvin Gordon (definitely) and Marlon Mack (probably) to injury for Week 13.

Dancin’ Dennis Nedry stomps Released Dix On Boobies, 150-106

DDN dropped his highest point total of the season, thanks to not one but TWO 97-yard touchdown plays from guys on his roster (I call “shenanigans”). Boobies (heh) again got a half-point from some random Packers receiver, but c’mon, it’s not like he had enough points on his roster to keep pace this week anyway.

Scrote Squad kicks Pedro Pickles, 141.5-128

This one is a bitter pill for Pickles to swallow, with a score that would have beaten a lot of other teams this week (and this is not the first time this year he's been mistreated so). But it’s hard to beat the other guy when they have a 100-yard rusher and a 100-yard receiver, and damn near impossible when those are the same player (well done, Christian McCaffrey).

Team Provost plasters Panic Time Squad, 149.5-102

 When you have Ezekiel Elliot and Saquon Barkley on the same team, and then combine that with Amari Cooper’s crazy week, you’re going to be tough to beat. PTSd wishes he had ONE of those two RBs; his RBs combined to score 18.5 points, while Zeke scored 23.5 and Saquon rolled up 31.5.

Hardcore Sacks obliterates Death Valley Driver, 119.5-75

How does a team that is in line for a playoff spot put up 75 points? Easy. By starting Jalen Richard instead of Kenny Golladay. Also by rostering three D/STs, who scored a COMBINED 3 points this week (but remember, Matthew Berry said it was OK to draft the Jaguars D super early). Hardcore looks strong holding onto that top seed.

So, what now?

Well, Hardcore is in the playoffs, and based on his point totals, Dancin’ Dennis is in too. DDN can’t finish with more than 6 losses, and unless he just doesn’t fill out a roster for the next two weeks, there’s no way either 6-6 team makes up the points difference (PTSd has an almost 200 point deficit, and we discussed Iron Ryan’s futility last week, but just for the sheer sticker shock, is behind by an incredible 334 points).

Death Valley Driver is in third, and holds the third highest point total (1336). But his continued sub-90 point weeks have left him very vulnerable. The fourth- and sixth-highest point totals are 1328.5 and 1309.5. (I left out Scrote Squad's 1310.5 because he's too far back in the loss column.) Fortunately for DVD, those totals belong to Jeff Fisher Effect and Pedro Pickles, on whom he has a two-win cushion. It’s unlikely, but if DVD continues his slide and Fisher Effect and/or Pickles wins out, he could end up the odd man out.

All the losses gave Panic Time Squad the best possible circumstance following his own loss; he’s tied by record with Iron Ryan, but has 130 more points. Iron Ryan needs to finish with a better record to get in. But he’s got a leg up on the 5-7 teams. The bad news: his stud from last week, Leonard Fournette, decided to punch another dude who was wearing a football helmet (which I’ll never understand, but I digress) and got himself suspended for a game. Iron Ryan goes up against Hardcore this week.

Pedro Pickles, Jeff Fisher Effect and Boobies (heh) are all 5-7, and none of them play each other in the final two weeks.  Pickles meets Dancin’ Dennis this week, while Fisher gets Panic Time, and Boobies (heh) gets DVD. If all three of those teams comes out of the week 6-7…. I’m gonna need some serious math skills to sort out the playoff scenarios in Week 14.

I mean, there’s a possibility we come out of this week with FIVE 6-7 teams, which would make the final week REALLY interesting.

The Color of Money

For the third time this year, the Tidwell was won with a half-point margin. This week, Dancin’ Dennis and his twin 97-yarders snaked in and grabbed the cash.

Other Neat Stuff

We scored exactly 1200 points in Week 12, our highest scoring week this season. In the two years for which I have complete data, it’s our highest scoring week ever. In fact, in 2017, we broke the 1000 points barrier six times. In 2018, we’ve topped 1000 points in all 12 weeks.  In 2017, the average weekly score per team was 97.07. This year, it’s 110.01. It’s an impressive increase for which I have no reasonable explanation. It can’t possibly be that we’re all better fantasy players this year. That’s not a plausible explanation…

**TRADE DEADLINE**
Our trade deadline is scheduled for Sunday, December 2 @ MIDNIGHT EST. Trades must be agreed to and submitted through ESPN by that time. I'll wake up and make sure the trades will go through so they can be reflected in your lineups for the Sunday games.

ILLUSTRATION
This is how I imagine you guys working the trade deadline:

And this is probably how it will actually go:

Dilly dilly,

Commish

P.S. I hope you enjoyed the GIFs this week, Ryan.

Week 11, or The One Released on Thanksgiving Day

It's Thanksgiving. So ready your breakfast and eat hearty...for this is the longest Notes of the year. I think. (unnecessary but fun Gerard Butler GIF)

Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (7-4) goes large, crashes Death Valley Driver (7-4), 127.5-113

Damn Dennis! Tyreek Hill might be the fastest human in the history of the world ever. He was dominant in that Monday Night Track Meet, even when Todd Gurley wasn’t. Both guys left points on the table this week: DDN sat Andrew Luck in favor of Ryan Fitzpatrick (a mistake he won’t make again because FitzTragic is benched again) and DVD sat T.Y. Hilton and his 33.5 points. Both at 7-4, they both seem set up well for a playoff run.

Pedro Pickles (5-6) continues run, tops Iron Ryan (5-6), 112-85

Iron Ryan came crashing back to Earth, even though Leonard Fournette decided to join the Jaguars, and Julio Jones has decided he’s no longer allergic to the end zone. But it’s hard to win when you only score 85 points, no matter who you’re playing. Pickles squeaked by even though he started Austin Ekeler and Derrick Henry, even though neither of the NFL teams that employs those players started them. Patrick Mahomes was the big eraser in this one; five turnovers in the game and he still managed 36 points.

Scrote Squad (3-8) dominates Panic Time Squad (6-5), 133.5-84.5

It’s sort of a mystery how Scrote is 3-8, given the talent on his roster. We all teased him (OK, at least a couple of us) for drafting Robert Woods where he did (4^th round) but he’s been a top 10 WR, and Christian McCaffrey has been good as well. He deserves better than to be 3-7 (but the same could be said of a few teams in the league). Panic Time might actually want to panic now. His RBs just give him nothing. He’s made it this far without, but he’s going to run into trouble in the next three weeks.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (9-2) stays on top, pops Team Provost (3-8)

Well, it wasn’t the same record-setting week for Hardcore, but it was just as convincing. Even a shitty week from John Brown and a donut week from Eric Ebron didn’t matter; when you have the only two weapons Aaron Rodgers seems to trust (Aaron Jones and Davante Adams), you’re in a good spot. Also, Drew Brees is just out of his mind right now. Provost managed over 100 points for the second week in a row, it just wasn’t enough, despite Saquon and Zeke doing everything they’re supposed to do. He just didn’t (and doesn’t) have any firepower at wide receiver.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (5-6) tops Released Dix On Boobies (5-6), 115-83

It was a solid day all around for Fisher Effect, who only lacked a double-digit scorer at TE and D/ST. Phillip Lindsay led the way for him, but he got the usual from Melvin Gordon and Michael Thomas. His struggle has been (and probably will continue to be) at QB. Boobies (heh) will basically go as far as Kareem Hunt and James Conner will carry him. Conner had a tough matchup with the Jags D and only managed 7 points. His WRs just aren’t very good.

The Push for the Playoffs

We have 4 teams who currently sit at 5-6 and are holding onto hope for that final playoff spot: Fisher Effect currently has the “lead” among the group based on points scored, followed by Pickles, Boobies (heh), and Iron Ryan (see the totals a bit further down). Here’s the quick breakdown of their remaining schedule (the parentheses is all-time record vs. that opponent).

	Week 12	Week 13	Week 14
Fisher Effect	vs. Iron Ryan (6-3)	vs. Panic  (1-7)	vs. Hardcore (3-3)
Pickles	vs. Scrote  (4-4)	vs. DDN (1-2)	vs. Kyle (2-1)
Boobies (heh)	vs. DDN (3-4)	vs. DVD (2-4)	vs. Provost (2-4)
Iron Ryan	vs. JFE (3-6)	vs. Hardcore (1-5)	vs. Panic (4-2)

A win this week is important for each of these guys, though only three of them could possibly have a win, since Fisher and Iron Ryan face-off. That’s really a must-win for both to maintain a chance. Boobies (heh) faces a “short-handed” Dancin’ Dennis this week (Gurley and Hill are on bye), and Pickles faces a Scrote Squad that honestly could be in this same 5-6 group with some better breaks; he’s scored more points than Boobies (heh) and Iron Ryan.

Speaking of points, here's how those 4 teams break down in terms of overall points:

Fisher Effect - 1223.5

Pickles - 1181.5 (-42)

Boobies (heh) - 1134 (-89.5)

Iron Ryan - 1037.5 (-186)

Iron Ryan basically need to win out and finish with a better record than all the others because it's unlikely he makes up even the 96.5 points between him and Boobies (heh). Fisher Effect's 42 point lead here is strong, but could be wiped out with one bad week at the wrong time; Pickles has the fire power to pull that off.

It should be pointed out that if the season ended today, none of these teams I've spent so much time talking about would be in the playoffs. Panic Time Squad is currently clinging to the 4-seed, much like this adorable kitty is clinging to this bed.

Panic Time faces Team Provost this week, before finishing out with JFE and Iron Ryan. That Week 13 matchup with Fisher Effect could be HUGE. His best chance would be to win out, so he won't have to worry about a points tiebreaker. 

The top 3 seeds currently belong to Hardcore, Dancin’ Dennis and DVD. If my math is correct, Hardcore has locked up a playoff spot at 9-2 and could match the best regular season record in league history (Pete went 12-2 in 2016). DDN and DVD are in great position for playoff spots; given their points scored, they’d have a tiebreaker over anyone who finishes with the same record right now. If they aren't locked in like Hardcore, they certainly have the best shot.

Another Week, Another Tidwell

Yeah yeah yeah, Hardcore won another Tidwell, his third consecutive. Ho hum.

Giving of Thanks

As I think I’ve probably done every year, I want to give thanks for you guys, the Smarter Than Phil Simms Fantasy Football League. I enjoy commissioning this league, and you guys make it easy and fun to be the commissioner. I’ve seen horror stories of leagues with shitty owners who make bad trades, break rules and guys who do their drafts from a boat (oh wait, that’s this league). The fantasy community is riddled with people who complain “Not in my league!” Well in this case, that’s a good thing. Bad, detached owners who don’t care about their team or the league? “Not in my league.”

Remember there are 3 games today (Thanksgiving) so set your lineups accordingly.

Last thing: when you guys read the notes and say to your self "Man, Nate does a really good job finding funny GIFs!" are you saying "GIF" with a soft G sound (like Jif, the peanut butter) or with the hard G sound (like God)?

Commish OUT!

Week 10, or The Muddy Middle Continues

Week 10 in Smarter Than Phil Simms meant...uh, football? I guess? The standings didn’t change a lot. Some teams got further away from the playoffs, while others improved their chances. But it's still a messy middle of the pack. And we had one all-time great week.

RECAPS!

Panic Time Squad (6-4) rides Beckham’s MNF performance to 125-113.5 victory over Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (6-4)

Panic Time can probably stop panicking now, thanks to two TDs from Odell Beckham on Monday night. Or maybe not. I mean, both his RBs combined to score 11 points. He’s gotten next to nothing from his RBs all year, and is still sitting in prime playoff position (more on that later). DDN just didn’t have the fire power this week, and lost Cooper Kupp to a torn ACL. He had several players on bye, and sat Andrew Luck for Ryan Fitzpatrick too, which didn’t help.

Pedro Pickles (4-6) motorboats Released Dix On Boobies (5-5), 100-81

I’m gonna be honest; while watching the Bills continue to put up points on Sunday, the ONLY thing about this matchup I was looking forward to was how few points the Jets D was going to score. Turns out they scored minus-7, or minus-1 point for every dollar of FAAB Pickles spent on them. But it didn’t matter, because Shady McCoy (24.5 points) torched that very same defense. It also didn’t matter because Boobies (heh) reverted to early season form and just didn’t have enough points available to him.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (8-2) smokes Scrote Squad (2-8), 187.5-123

David Johnson, Nick Chubb and Eric Ebron each had (at least) a rushing TD and a receiving TD, leading Hardcore to a new all-time league high score. Best part? He had big days from two guys on his bench and could have topped 200 points without much trouble with a few different plays. (not that anyone in their right mind is going to start Mitch Trubisky over Drew Brees. Ever.) Scrote got off to a good start with Christian McCaffrey’s Thursday night TD triad, but when the other team has THREE guys score THREE TDs? As they say in Italy…

The Jeff Fisher Effect (4-6) lucks out, tops Team Provost (3-7), 106-104

Trailing by 2.5 going into the Monday Night game, JFE needed George Kittle and the 49ers D to outscore Saquon. Thanks to Eli and Odell’s two TDs, Saquon didn’t go nuts, and Kittle and the Niners pulled it out for JFE. Andy Dalton did his best to torpedo his team (you know, like Andy Dalton does) in what could have been a shootout game against the Saints. Provost had a much more balanced attack than JFE, but it wasn’t quite enough.

Death Valley Driver (7-3) tops Iron Ryan (5-5), 97.5-86.5

Leonard Fournette returned from injury  and put up a big week for I.R., but it wasn’t enough. He put up another low score, but couldn’t win this week. Certainly didn’t help him that Tom Brady sucked this week. DVD continues to play down to his competition, but he picked up a win this week.

Updated standings

With 4 weeks to go in the regular season, things are starting to get intense. Hardcore maintains his grip on the #1 seed, and virtually nothing else changes in the playoff picture.

1. Hardcore Sacks
2. Death Valley Driver
3. Dancin’ Dennis Nedry
4. Panic Time Squad

The changes happen closer to that 4th spot, though the teams vying hardest for that spot were dealt a blow by DVD and PTSd winning. Boobies (heh) and Iron Ryan are 5-5 now, and Fisher Effect and Pedro Pickles are 4-6.

And wouldn’t you know: Fisher plays Boobies (heh) this week, and Iron Ryan faces off against Pickles. There’s a potential to see some separation in this middle pack. Or it might get worse.

With their respective losses, Provost drops to 3-7 and Scrote Squad to 2-8. Scrote probably doesn’t deserve to be 2-8, but I’m not sure how much better his record should be (his score this week would have beaten any other winner in the league but Panic). While these two haven’t been mathematically eliminated, they certainly have a tough road ahead to make the playoffs.

I’ll start really getting into playoff possibilities after next week.

Tidwell Award

Hardcore set a new league record for highest scoring week. You think someone else won the Tidwell? Show Tim the money for the second week in a row.

Rumble rumble

Chris, Tim, Ryan, Kyle and I had a good time at the Rumble Seat on Sunday. Sorry you other guys had to miss it, but I understand you each either had a really good reason or some other prior commitment. Or live in Colorado.

I’m glad we did it, and can’t wait to see everyone’s shining faces for our year-end banquet, probably at the Rumble Seat again. If you’ve got another idea for a location, please bring it up with the Commish.

On to Week 11!