Week 10, or The Muddy Middle Continues

Week 10 in Smarter Than Phil Simms meant...uh, football? I guess? The standings didn’t change a lot. Some teams got further away from the playoffs, while others improved their chances. But it's still a messy middle of the pack. And we had one all-time great week.

RECAPS!

Panic Time Squad (6-4) rides Beckham’s MNF performance to 125-113.5 victory over Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (6-4)

Panic Time can probably stop panicking now, thanks to two TDs from Odell Beckham on Monday night. Or maybe not. I mean, both his RBs combined to score 11 points. He’s gotten next to nothing from his RBs all year, and is still sitting in prime playoff position (more on that later). DDN just didn’t have the fire power this week, and lost Cooper Kupp to a torn ACL. He had several players on bye, and sat Andrew Luck for Ryan Fitzpatrick too, which didn’t help.

Pedro Pickles (4-6) motorboats Released Dix On Boobies (5-5), 100-81

I’m gonna be honest; while watching the Bills continue to put up points on Sunday, the ONLY thing about this matchup I was looking forward to was how few points the Jets D was going to score. Turns out they scored minus-7, or minus-1 point for every dollar of FAAB Pickles spent on them. But it didn’t matter, because Shady McCoy (24.5 points) torched that very same defense. It also didn’t matter because Boobies (heh) reverted to early season form and just didn’t have enough points available to him.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (8-2) smokes Scrote Squad (2-8), 187.5-123

David Johnson, Nick Chubb and Eric Ebron each had (at least) a rushing TD and a receiving TD, leading Hardcore to a new all-time league high score. Best part? He had big days from two guys on his bench and could have topped 200 points without much trouble with a few different plays. (not that anyone in their right mind is going to start Mitch Trubisky over Drew Brees. Ever.) Scrote got off to a good start with Christian McCaffrey’s Thursday night TD triad, but when the other team has THREE guys score THREE TDs? As they say in Italy…

The Jeff Fisher Effect (4-6) lucks out, tops Team Provost (3-7), 106-104

Trailing by 2.5 going into the Monday Night game, JFE needed George Kittle and the 49ers D to outscore Saquon. Thanks to Eli and Odell’s two TDs, Saquon didn’t go nuts, and Kittle and the Niners pulled it out for JFE. Andy Dalton did his best to torpedo his team (you know, like Andy Dalton does) in what could have been a shootout game against the Saints. Provost had a much more balanced attack than JFE, but it wasn’t quite enough.

Death Valley Driver (7-3) tops Iron Ryan (5-5), 97.5-86.5

Leonard Fournette returned from injury  and put up a big week for I.R., but it wasn’t enough. He put up another low score, but couldn’t win this week. Certainly didn’t help him that Tom Brady sucked this week. DVD continues to play down to his competition, but he picked up a win this week.

Updated standings

With 4 weeks to go in the regular season, things are starting to get intense. Hardcore maintains his grip on the #1 seed, and virtually nothing else changes in the playoff picture.

1. Hardcore Sacks
2. Death Valley Driver
3. Dancin’ Dennis Nedry
4. Panic Time Squad

The changes happen closer to that 4th spot, though the teams vying hardest for that spot were dealt a blow by DVD and PTSd winning. Boobies (heh) and Iron Ryan are 5-5 now, and Fisher Effect and Pedro Pickles are 4-6.

And wouldn’t you know: Fisher plays Boobies (heh) this week, and Iron Ryan faces off against Pickles. There’s a potential to see some separation in this middle pack. Or it might get worse.

With their respective losses, Provost drops to 3-7 and Scrote Squad to 2-8. Scrote probably doesn’t deserve to be 2-8, but I’m not sure how much better his record should be (his score this week would have beaten any other winner in the league but Panic). While these two haven’t been mathematically eliminated, they certainly have a tough road ahead to make the playoffs.

I’ll start really getting into playoff possibilities after next week.

Tidwell Award

Hardcore set a new league record for highest scoring week. You think someone else won the Tidwell? Show Tim the money for the second week in a row.

Rumble rumble

Chris, Tim, Ryan, Kyle and I had a good time at the Rumble Seat on Sunday. Sorry you other guys had to miss it, but I understand you each either had a really good reason or some other prior commitment. Or live in Colorado.

I’m glad we did it, and can’t wait to see everyone’s shining faces for our year-end banquet, probably at the Rumble Seat again. If you’ve got another idea for a location, please bring it up with the Commish.

On to Week 11!

Week 9er, or Couldn't Be Finer

Hey guys, look! The notes are out (a little closer to) on time this week!

So recaps? Yeah, let's do recaps.

Released Dix On Boobies (5-4) squeaks by Scrote Squad (2-7), 117-110

Two good scores from two squads that seem to be headed in opposite directions. Too bad for Scrote he didn’t have quite enough. Though it’s also somewhat lucky for Boobies (heh) that he pulled out the win despite getting a half-point from one of his RB spots. I guess when you get 59 from Kareem Hunt and James Conner, that half-point doesn’t matter much.

The Jeff Fisher Effect (3-6) chomps Pedro Pickles (3-6), 127-82.5

Pickles didn’t have much this week, thanks to injury (no Sony Michel) and ineffectiveness (LeSean McCoy is stuck playing for the Bills incredibly inept offense). Patrick Mahomes put up his usual week though. JFE’s team played up to potential this week, except for Matthew Stafford, who actually LOST 5 points and cost JFE a shot at the Tidwell Award. Oh well, there’s always next week.

Death Valley Driver (6-3) tops Team Provost (3-6), 98-78

Alvin Kamara and DeAndre Hopkins rescued an otherwise lackluster effort from DVD this week. He’s 6-3, and has the second most points scored, but also has a couple wins while scoring under 100 points, which isn’t the norm. (Which makes me wonder….gonna have to work on that as a research project.) He’s had a good combination of being lucky and good. Provost finally got something from Amari Cooper...but we’ll see if the Cowboys keep forcing that issue.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (7-2) holds on to first place, beats Panic Time Squad (5-4) 127.5-116

This victory is brought to Hardcore by quarterbacks. Drew Brees scored 30, and Nathan Peterman allowed the Bears defense to score 29 points. I have to ask this: how in the name of Jim Kelly and Jack Kemp do the Bills continue to allow Nathan Peterman to throw passes in the NFL? He’s completed as many passes to the opposition in his career as he has to his own team. Probably. Maybe he’s color blind. OR actually blind.

Iron Ryan (5-4) keeps rolling, dances on Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (6-3), 97-91

This one probably hurts a little for DDN: The Rams defense lost him 6 points, which wound up as the difference in this one. I.R. got big weeks from Josh Gordon and Julio Jones, who finally scored a touchdown. Todd Gurley ONLY scored 16 points this week for DDN, which is easily his lowest output of the year.

Show Me The Money!

Ok, not ME. But almost. In our closest ever race for the Tidwell, Hardcore topped Fisher Effect by .5 to win the money this week.

Playoff Snapshot

If the playoffs started today, here’s how the seedings would break down:

1. Hardcore
2. Dancin’ Dennis
3. DVD
4. PTSd

Panic Time gets the nod based on points scored. That 5-4 3-team mess in the middle should sort itself out a little bit by the end of the year. But look out for Fisher Effect, who is actually 4th in the league in points. He’s two games back, but if he can make up that ground, he might have the leg up after Week 14: points will matter every week from here on out.

Reminders

Our Trade Deadline is coming up: Trades can still happen through Week 12. The deadline is midnight Saturday before the Sunday games in Week 13. We haven't had as much action on this front as last year, but there's still plenty of time. 

Also: remember only players with the IR designation are eligible for that spot. No one has violated it since the last reminder, but I'm throwing it out there.

Week 8, or the One After Week 7

Guys, I apologize. I am been slacking in my Commissioner-ly duties and have not gotten notes to you. I haven't gotten the mid-season report to you. I have failed.

I do, however, feel good about myself not failing as bad as Roger Goodell. I mean, at least our league doesn't have absolutely ridiculous and damn near impossible to enforce rules and penalties. Nevertheless, it's supposed to be fun and I haven't been able to be as fun as I have been.

What has been fun is the GroupMe of late. I'm not sure what pro-Cowboys blog Kevin has been reading, but I need some more of that positivity in my life. I mean, there's nothing that says Amari Cooper won't end up being worth a first-round pick. But when you compare him to Golden Tate and Demaryius Thomas in terms of talent and body of work, I'm still not sure the 6 year age gap is worth the two or three rounds of draft position the Cowboys gave up. So far, Cooper hasn't really lived up to the hype. But I'd love to be proven wrong. And draft him in the 8th round next year (instead of in the 3rd round as Provost did) and have a stud WR. But history says it won't happen. Not with Dak as the QB and Jason Garrett as a head coach. 

Let me get in some quickie recaps from last week. Our top 4 teams all played each other, which basically served to muddle the standings just a little bit more. Though looking at the teams, it seems pretty clear we have an obvious top 4, then everyone else. The cool part is that any of the top 4 right now could win the title. There is no clear favorite in my mind, which is different than the last two years when there seemed to be two juggernauts at the same point in the season.

Dancin' Dennis topped Hardcore 133.5-97. If Todd Gurley keeps scoring TDs at this rate, DDN is going to be tough to beat. 

Panic Time Squad blasted Death Valley Driver 135.5-106, winning the Tidwell award for the week. PTSd continues to win despite starting Isaiah Crowell, and having basically NO RB1s on his roster.He's hoping Kenyan Drake emerges from his slumber and becomes a prince, but in Miami, who knows?

Pedro Pickles clobbered Iron Ryan 111.5-69 (nice). Pickles finally got some production from Sammy Watkins, which was probably a bit lucky, but hey...he didn't really need it this week. Alex Collins hasn't rushed for more than 68 yards yet, but is scoring just enough TDs for I.R. to have to keep playing him.

Boobies (heh) crushed Provost 122-74.5. I'm pretty sure I was ready to have Boobies (heh) his second straight Worst "title" just a few weeks ago...but then, his team apparently woke up and he can't be stopped. James Conner is REALLY helping, and is the early pick for his keeper next year. Provost, well, his team just isn't good, despite having Saquon and Zeke.

And in the battle of bottom feeders, Scrote Squad beat Jeff Fisher 122.5-114.5. Well done on Fisher's part to spend all that FAAB money on Marlon Mack and then SIT HIM ON THE BENCH! Looks like these two might be battling it out for the Worst this year....

Again, guy, I apologize. I'm back on paternity leave which means I don't have down time at work to write the notes. You WILL have Week 9 notes in a much more timely fashion.

Also, it's almost 8am at my house and I'm the only one NOT sleeping. This is pretty weird.

Commish OUT!

Week 6, or a new unexpected Tidwell winner

Week 6 brought us our top team getting leveled, and the rest of the league continuing to level off. It’s still early (not quite halfway through the season) but I’m sure there’s more than one panicky owner.

Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (143.5, 4-2) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (113, 2-4)

Todd Gurley scored two TDs and rushed for over 200 yards. And that WASN’T the highest score of the week for Dancin’ Dennis. Nope, that belongs to Tyreek Hill, who scored three TDs. On the flip side of the ball, Melvin Gordon scored three TDs of his own. I’m not sure how many matchups have three 30 point scorers in our league history, but it can’t be too many.

Iron Ryan (127.5, 3-3) vs. Team Provost (123.5, 3-3)

It’s always good when all your skill players score double digit points, as they did for Iron Ryan. Provost would have been close, but Amari Cooper got concussed and scored 0 points. I know you can’t plan on injuries, but it hurts a little more when you’ve got a double-digit scoring WR on your bench, and basically playing a warm body in that spot could have resulted in a win. Iron Ryan continues a three-game win streak.

Pedro Pickles (137, 2-4) vs. Hardcore Sacks (78, 5-1)

Our top team against one of the bottom teams and...wow. Hardcore had Drew Brees on bye, but there was nothing he could have done this week. Antonio Brown and David Johnson were what he got. Sometimes, that’s what happens when you have two starters who are Cleveland Browns. Pickles has ridden Sony Michel and Patrick Mahomes most of the year so far, and this week they led him to victory. It’s never a good thing when you’re starting Austin Ekeler in one of your RB spots. Pickles badly needs Lev Bell to come back. And play.

Released Dix On Boobies (163.5, 3-3) vs. Panic Time Squad (103, 3-3)

Speaking of Lev Bell coming back, Boobies (heh) hopes that never happens. James Conner put up his second straight enormous week, and Kareem Hunt got into the act too: Conner and Hunt combined for 55.5 points. Every player in the lineup for Boobies broke double figures, and it never hurts when your kicker scores 22 points. PTSd pulled most of the right strings but his newly acquired toy in Dion Lewis did not help him out at all. Neither did Eli Manning. “But Commish, PTSd started Big Ben at QB.” Why, yes, astute observer, he did. But Eli Manning is in charge of getting the ball to Odell Beckham...and that didn’t go as well as it could have.

Death Valley Driver (89.5, 4-2) vs. Scrote Squad (81, 1-5)

If there were actual game tape to review of these games, there’s little doubt this one would be last. Against anyone but Hardcore’s total, neither of these teams would have had a chance. Let’s see….uh…. Robert Woods was the high scorer in the matchup (non-QB edition) with 15.5 points. The low score? The 8th-round draft pick Jaguars defense scored -1 against the vaunted (haha, couldn’t say it with a straight face) Cowboys offense. DVD has really come crashing back to earth after a monster first four weeks. But he sits at 4-2 nonetheless.

Money Makes The World Go Around

I’ve seen it all now. After posting a bottom-10 all-time score just TWO WEEKS AGO, Released Dix On Boobies wins his first ever Tidwell Award. Congrats to him. Somehow, his team is good now?

Interesting thing about this: Boobies (heh) score is the second highest in the league this season. The other 3 of the Top 4 all came in Week 4. Which just so happens to be the week Boobies (heh) bottomed out with 59.5 points. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this is the largest single season swing (104 points) in league history.

Up Next

Look for the usual Mid-Season report following next weekend’s games when we’ll be, ya know, mid-season. Until next week, enjoy this nerdy game we all play.

And when are we getting together to watch games?

Week 5, or The Middle Gets Muddy

Week 5 has given us a clear leader, and then a muddled middle of the pack.

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING ITALICIZED TEXT:

Also in the middle of the 1 p.m. games, we had some controversy with our new IR spot. I mentioned this in Week 2’s notes. Basically, if your guy doesn’t have the red “IR” next to his name, he can’t go in the IR spot on your roster.

Thank you. You may now return to your usual reading habits for the notes...

OK, shall we recap? Let’s recap.

Team Provost (81, 3-2) vs. Death Valley Driver (75.5, 3-2)

Team Provost dusted off that old Provost Magic™ in holding off DVD this week. It seemed very easy for DVD to come back from down 14 with Alvin Kamara and Adrian Peterson still to go on Monday night, but the Saints decided it was important to give Mark Ingram the ball and basically give Kamara a week off before their bye week, and Peterson got injured: the two combined to score 8.5 points. Womp womp. Provost basically only had good RBs (which is pretty common when you start Saquon and Zeke), which put him at a major disadvantage, until Kamara ghosted and Peterson broke. After showing out last week, Amari Cooper and Golden Tate were quiet this week, but it didn’t matter. Our top scoring team put up the lowest point total this week.

Panic Time Squad (123, 3-2) vs. Scrote Squad (92.5, 1-4)

Well, Odell Beckham decided to remind everyone that he’s a factor, even though the Giants lost a heartbreaker. Funny part of this for PTSd - he could have had even more points if he played Kenyan Drake and Isaiah Crowell, though no one blames him for sitting them because they combined for 2 points last week, and 51 this week. Scrote bet into the TD streak of Calvin Ridley, which didn’t work out. Scrote is just overmatched most weeks and needs his guys to blow up. When they just blow, there’s very little chance for him.

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (138, 5-0) vs. Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (117, 3-2)

Hardcore becomes the second team in as many seasons to start the year 5-0, and his team looks every bit as dominant as last year’s champ. It’s tough to keep Antonio Brown down for a whole game, and even though the Cardinals are an absolute dumpster fire, David Johnson continues to get his. Also, Davante Adams. DDN had a promising start, but has fallen off of late, even though Todd Gurley continues to destroy NFL defenses. When I say “fallen off”, it’s a lot of bad luck. His 117 points would have beaten about half the league. He just happened to play against this week’s Tidwell winner. And he’s the second highest scoring team in the league.

Iron Ryan (106, 2-3) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (84.5, 2-3)

Tom Brady had a big Thursday night, which launched Iron Ryan to a lead, and then when Brandin Cooks went down with a concussion in his first target on Sunday, JFE was done. It’s really hard to win when you have an injured guy put up a 0, and your defense put up a -2. Iron Ryan is on a two-game winning streak and recently texted the Commish, proclaiming he was going to win the championship. He’s feeling pretty good about his team, even if perhaps a bit disillusioned. Yes, Ryan, I understand there was some sarcasm to that claim, but damn, if it doesn’t look good when you win again.

Released Dix On Boobies (123, 2-3) vs. Pedro Pickles (119, 1-4)

This was a hard luck loss for Pickles, especially since his score would have beaten half the league. Only thing Pickles could have done differently was play Shady McCoy instead of Chris Thompson, but even that would have only gotten him to 122 points, and still a heartbreaking loss. Boobies (heh), meanwhile, used James Conner’s 33 points and a garbage time TD from Demaryius Thomas to win his second game of the season, and put up a big point total. Boobies (heh) seems to be the biggest boom or bust team we have. He’s either well over 100, or down in the 60s (or lower).

This Week’s Tidwell Award

Hardcore Sacks ran train on the league this week, picking up his second Tidwell award. I’d put another Rod Tidwell gif in here, but the gif sites are blocked at work. Hardcore and Dancin’ Dennis have two Tidwells, while our top scorer, DVD, only has one.

Random Score-dom

It’s not predictive really at all, but I find Iron Ryan’s and Pedro Pickles’ week-by-week scores interesting:

Iron Ryan: 86, 85, 85.5, 104, 106

Pedro Pickles: 122, 121, 95, 95.5, 119

The clusters are interesting. Pickles is also fifth in points for, and should be better than his 1-4 record. For context, he’s fourth in points against.

We move on to Week 6, dreaming of wins to separate the middle of the pack.

Week 4, or the Best of Scores and the Worst of Scores

Week 4 in the NFL featured four overtime games, one of which included an inexplicable re-spotting of a ball to rob Cleveland of a first down. Also included in the weekend slate, the return of your Commissioner’s team namesake Jeff Fisher in broadcast booth.

Week 4 in STPS was the highest total point output the league has ever seen, and also included one of the lowest individual scores our league has ever seen. Oh, fantasy football...

Team Provost (158.5, 2-2) vs. Dancin’ Dennis Nedry (112.5, 3-1)

No more dancin’ this week. But it’s not because he didn’t put up a good score. It’s because Provost did, knocking DDN from the ranks of the unbeaten. Zeke, Saquon, Amari and Golden went nuts, giving Provost the third-highest score of the week. There wasn’t much DDN could do. He DID leave 88 points on his bench, including huge games by Corey Davis and Cooper Kupp, but the major concern could be Jordan Howard’s 2 points in this one. Running back points are hard to come by, and he’ll need some support for Gurley.

Scrote Squad (135, 1-3) vs. Pedro Pickles (95, 1-3)

Pickles middling luck continued this week. He’s got the second-most points against in the first four weeks (behind only Scrote Squad), and his decision to draft Lev Bell and Shady McCoy in two of the first three rounds looks like it’s hurting him bad. He’s hoping for some reprieve from Sony Michel, and if Lev Bell comes back healthy, he could make some noise. As long as he’s not 1-6 when Bell comes back. Scrote, meanwhile, has been putting up points the last two weeks. And he left Jared Goff and Calvin Ridley on his bench. Really, both of these teams could be better than 1-3. Both would be 2-2 playing against the league average (fun stats like this can be found on our 2018 Stats sheet).

Death Valley Driver (164, 3-1) vs. The Jeff Fisher Effect (159.5, 2-2)

This one was a fireball matchup that had JFE watching the Monday Night game very closely. Neither of these owners would have lost to anyone else this week, or anyone else in any week of the season to this point. DVD had the big explosion from Alvin Kamara, and smaller explosions from Nuke Hopkins and Sterling Shepard, while JFE had blowups from Melvin Gordon, Brandin Cooks and George Kittle. This game smashed the record for most total points in a matchup (323.5). The highest previous total was 298.5 in Week 3 of 2015 between Team Arby’s (Ryan) and Peterson Venkman, Phd (in a matchup that gave us the highest single game score ever).

Hardcore Sacks 2.0 (109.5, 4-0) vs. Panic Time Squad (95.5, 2-2)

Last week, I pointed out that Panic Time Squad probably was early in changing his name and shouldn’t panic. Well, I take it back. Again. When your two RBs combine for a total of TWO points, you probably ought to panic. And when the FIVE RBs on your roster (granted, one is injured) combine to not reach double digits, you probably ought to panic. And yet, he STILL almost pulled it off, partly thanks to a downright terrible day from Drew Brees. Hardcore got production from everywhere else though, icing the win, and moving to 4-0 for the first time.

Iron Ryan (104, 1-3) vs. Released Dix On Boobies (59.5, 1-3)

Well, Iron Ryan got his first win of the year, thanks to, as he pointed out, a 9-point head start granted to him by Boobies (heh) and the Vikings D. And then, going into Monday Night, Boobies (heh) had a legitimate shot at the worst weekly output our league has ever seen. And then Kareem Hunt rescued him from that embarrassment. I’ll have more on the futility of Boobies (heh) this week in a minute. For now, we sit here and wonder, “How in the name of Terry Bradshaw did this team score 143.5 in Week 1? He’s failed to score even half of that total in a game since. Kareem Hunt scored a whopping 42.8% of his points this week, and if Hunt hadn’t gone off on Monday, we’d seriously by talking about an all-time futile score.

Masterpiece of Futility

At the end of Sunday night’s games, Released Dix On Boobies was sitting on a total score of 30 points. The all-time low score for a week is 40.5, achieved by Cusick in Week 4 of 2015. In the “modern era” of the league (after we expanded and added the .5ppr), we have now had 9 sub-60 point scores, including in the postseason. Here they are, listed lowest to only slight less low:

SCORE	YEAR - WEEK	OWNER
40.5	2015 - Week 4	Cusick
48	2017 - Week 7	Ryan
48	2017 - Week 8	Chris
50	2016 - Week 16*	Chris
55	2016 - Week 14	Nate
56.5	2015 - Week 9	Chris
59	2016 - Week 8	Kyle
59	2017 - Week 3	Pete
59.5	2018 - Week 4	Chris

*denotes postseason

These are the lowest of the low scores, and you’ll note that Chris has four of them. (Also note: I threw out the “Kyle vs. Ryan Kicker Fiasco of 2016”)

Show Him The Money

Not surprisingly, Death Valley Driver finished as the Tidwell Award winner this week. The Effect’s 159.5 is now the highest non-Tidwell winning score, besting the previous high of 130 by Pedro Pickles last year in Week 8.

"I'll take Interesting Scoring for $200, please, Alex"

Pedro Pickles has had a great run of scores in our first 4 weeks. Here they are, in order:

122

121

95.5

95

I don't even know how to "analyze" that, it's just pretty cool to see.

Week 5 continues the fireworks known as Fantasy Football, and starts with the Colts-Patriots Thursday night game. The marquis matchup in our league this week pits Hardcore Sacks (4-0) vs. Dancin' Dennis Nedry (3-1). Sunday Night Football NBC would probably steal this game for Sunday Night Football. You know, if watching fantasy football matchups were good TV.

-Commish